Journal pezstar's Journal: Grr. 1
Dear Philip Morris Inc.,
I have been a loyal customer for 7 years, making the daily trek to the local gas station to purchase my Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s In a Box for the low low price of $5.25 a pack. I have paid you thousands of dollars to ensure my early death by means of drowning in the thick black tar and destroyed pieces of lung tissue in a coughing fit at the ripe old age of 45. However, today I was very disappointed with my purchase. I woke up at about 7 today, and noticed that I smoked too much last night, leaving me with only one cigarette. After smoking said cigarette, I did all of the things that one must do to prepare themself to leave the house and head to the store. By the time that I got to the store, I was experiencing rather intense cravings for my nicotiney goodness, so I ran up to the cashier, gasping for breath, because I smoke too much and can't run more than about 3 feet without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I looked desperately at the cashier who promptly sold me my daily fix. I went outside and tore off the protective cellophane wrapping and felt the thick smoke penetrate my very soul.
This is not unusual, as I go through the exact same thing every morning. However, my daily excursion today was without reward because you evil people did something to my cigarettes. I don't know what you did, but my Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s In a Box do not taste the same as they have tasted for as long as I can remember. It's as though you injected a million tons of Menthol into them to cover up the taste of less than premium tobacco. The aftertaste of these cigarettes is disgusting.
Suddenly it dawned on me. THESE TASTE LIKE BASIC MENTHOL ULTRA LIGHT 100s!!! YOU BASTARDS! I know you make Basic's too, and either you hire people who are too stupid to put the correct tobacco in my cigarettes, or you're trying to pull a fast one on me by changing the quality of the tobacco you put in your premium cigarettes to the quality of tobacco you put in your generic brands.
This means war. I don't think you realize how much I love smoking. It's my GOD. If I haven't had a cigarette for a few hours and you stick a shiny pack of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s in front of me, I will gladly worship the nicotine inside. I will pray to it, sacrifice small animals to it and cry as I feel the nicotine flow through my veins. You have fucked with the only thing that I truly love, and for that, you will pay dearly.
I will start an internet campaign!! Yes! That is what I will do. I will write a letter to Al Gore, inventor of the internet, and have him broadcast it all over the magnificent forum that he has created. "MARLBORO MENTHOL ULTRA LIGHT 100s CONTAIN GENERIC TOBACCO!!!!"
Ok, I won't do any of these things. In fact, I will still probably buy my cigarettes every day, simply because I am an addict, and that is what addicts do. But please. PLEASE fix my cigarettes.
Regards,
An entirely too loyal customer
I have been a loyal customer for 7 years, making the daily trek to the local gas station to purchase my Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s In a Box for the low low price of $5.25 a pack. I have paid you thousands of dollars to ensure my early death by means of drowning in the thick black tar and destroyed pieces of lung tissue in a coughing fit at the ripe old age of 45. However, today I was very disappointed with my purchase. I woke up at about 7 today, and noticed that I smoked too much last night, leaving me with only one cigarette. After smoking said cigarette, I did all of the things that one must do to prepare themself to leave the house and head to the store. By the time that I got to the store, I was experiencing rather intense cravings for my nicotiney goodness, so I ran up to the cashier, gasping for breath, because I smoke too much and can't run more than about 3 feet without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I looked desperately at the cashier who promptly sold me my daily fix. I went outside and tore off the protective cellophane wrapping and felt the thick smoke penetrate my very soul.
This is not unusual, as I go through the exact same thing every morning. However, my daily excursion today was without reward because you evil people did something to my cigarettes. I don't know what you did, but my Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s In a Box do not taste the same as they have tasted for as long as I can remember. It's as though you injected a million tons of Menthol into them to cover up the taste of less than premium tobacco. The aftertaste of these cigarettes is disgusting.
Suddenly it dawned on me. THESE TASTE LIKE BASIC MENTHOL ULTRA LIGHT 100s!!! YOU BASTARDS! I know you make Basic's too, and either you hire people who are too stupid to put the correct tobacco in my cigarettes, or you're trying to pull a fast one on me by changing the quality of the tobacco you put in your premium cigarettes to the quality of tobacco you put in your generic brands.
This means war. I don't think you realize how much I love smoking. It's my GOD. If I haven't had a cigarette for a few hours and you stick a shiny pack of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s in front of me, I will gladly worship the nicotine inside. I will pray to it, sacrifice small animals to it and cry as I feel the nicotine flow through my veins. You have fucked with the only thing that I truly love, and for that, you will pay dearly.
I will start an internet campaign!! Yes! That is what I will do. I will write a letter to Al Gore, inventor of the internet, and have him broadcast it all over the magnificent forum that he has created. "MARLBORO MENTHOL ULTRA LIGHT 100s CONTAIN GENERIC TOBACCO!!!!"
Ok, I won't do any of these things. In fact, I will still probably buy my cigarettes every day, simply because I am an addict, and that is what addicts do. But please. PLEASE fix my cigarettes.
Regards,
An entirely too loyal customer
Dear Ms. Pezstar, (Score:1)
You're screwed. We know that you will continue to give us money, and we will continue to give you low-grade shredded leaves that you can use to kill yourself. Do you really expect us to care whether or not you find the quality of the tobacco appealing? Come on, now. You're not exactly a long-term prospect, are you?
Besides, you've already served as a sterling example for the next younger set of smokers. We owe you some thanks for ke