sentence them to have their livers eaten.
It's not whether you use emacs or vi, it's the size of your init file.
Just about every time I try to buy clothes I walk away thinking about how they used to predict that in the future (that is, by now) we'd stand in front of a big screen that projected an image of us, we'd be able to fiddle with some knobs to pick clothing, see how it would look on us, and it would get custom-made to not just fit perfectly but also in whatever fabric, color, style, etc. we wanted. Note to the folks who make 3D printers, make one that does fabric.
Linux doesn't play dice with the internet.
Or there's the old standby of rousing the temple spirits and making the blue flame come out.