When we were young, my parents managed to always have a computer around for my brother and myself. When it came to doing "boy" stuff, I was encouraged to do that, but when it came down to actually doing it, it was my brother who got the time to do it. With some interests, I also occasionally heard "you might hurt yourself", whereas for my brother, it was ok.
My interest in computers and skill was evident (including to the point of fixing the computers at school while I was still a student). But when it came time for me to go to university, all of a sudden "you can do anything" became "you have to go to university here because the awesome tech university you want to go to is across the country and is a scary place for young women".
I persisted in tech regardless (despite programming not being available in my small school), and by and large, most people I've met in tech are ok. But I've also met quite a few people who
- ignore my expertise and only ask the guys in the room about tech stuff
- tell me I shouldn't go after certain jobs, training, or promotions because my biological clock is ticking (acquaintances and complete strangers)
- mansplaining (oh god, the mansplaining), and being talked over
God help a woman who decides to "have it all", too - they're a bad mother. But when that's the case, no one asks why the husband isn't stepping up to the plate to help with family chores more (or when they do, they are often mocked or treated badly by men and women - which is a whole other discussion).
I know that's personal anectodes, but it would probably help if people didn't pidgeonhole females so much, and tell them what they can't do and tell them what they want. It ought to get better with more generations, but I doubt the way parents shelter and baby their children, especially girls, is helping much. Women can be just as bad for reinforcing female stereotypes as the men are. Women's value is still in doing girly things and looking pretty. The few role models in industry or business still get judged on those aspects. Being told all those things, repeatedly, for your entire life can really take a toll. It is just so much easier to conform.
It's not drive that's a problem. It's that the drive is constantly beaten out of them.
Pidgeonholing men and telling them how they're supposed to be is a problem too - but again, that's a whole other discussion. Same problems, but the rules are just different.
Can we just all agree to stop being shitty to each other and including others who want to be included?