superyooser's Journal: Jay Leno on John Kerry, France

"We make jokes about it, but the truth is the presidential election really offers a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every issue - they both happen to be John Kerry's, but still ...

He's quite an athlete - they showed him snowboarding. He's in Idaho and he's snowboarding. Did you see him on the news? He is pretty good. He's a good snowboarder. Did you see him? He was going downhill faster than Howard Dean."

"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.

I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about. At a town meeting with veterans in West Virginia, John Kerry explained his position on supporting the troops by saying, 'I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.' That clears it up for me.

This shows how much politics has speeded up so quickly. Kerry's now changing his position in the same sentence."

"A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was Osama bin Laden. Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory ever.

And who wouldn't expect to see Osama bin Laden wandering the streets of a small village in France. It's a natural mistake."

Late Night Jokes