I've traveled a lot in the last 2 years (50+ different airports in multiple countries, mostly the US) and I've never had a security/border experience take more than about 10 minutes. No hassles, no problems. It's easy to smile, be friendly, and give them the answers they want to hear.
Or, you can be disapproving and intolerant and get that reaction back from the person you're dealing with.
Hundreds of thousands of people pass through American airports every year and you see a few dozen reports of TSA misbehavior, and it's always someone who's either being aggressive back at them, or someone in an abnormal situation who is touchy about it. My diabetic friend with an insulin pump needs a pat-down as the scanning machines may damage her pump. Always easy, never a problem.
Not flying because of the TSA or the occasional nasty border guard is like not driving because of he occasional jerk on the road.