Oh, my life is so hard. My dog left me and my girlfriend ran away. I got my foot caught under a large woman on the bus and when I ate a blueberry muffin at the picnic there was a bumblebee on it, and it stung me so terribly. I also itch sometimes and when I look into a mirror I have to ask softly "Who am I?"

I just had a birthday. It makes me wonder about things that man has wondered about since he first looked in wonder at the wonderful stars wandering wonderingly in the sky above. My biggest question is about how to tell the difference between male and female cats without getting them really really mad.

I killed a man today. I'm pretty sure he deserved it. He was dressed as a piece of pie.