mcgrew's Journal: 1/24/2002

Car's OS was fragged by Bug's Bunny
        "Hey, you got a new car! Pretty nice! I see you're sticking with the same manufacturer."
        "Well, I liked the old one. I've always been happy with Microcar's autos."
        "Your old one was only two years old, if you liked it why did you buy a new one?"
        "The manufacturer said I should upgrade. Besides, this new model has a cassette instead of an eight track. Wish it would play the other four tracks though..."
        "Why didn't you just buy a new radio?"
        "The manufacturer welds them in, and wires them so the car won't start if you take it out. Besides, the radio wasn't the only reason to upgrade."
        "What else?"
        "Ralph Nader says the old one crashes too often, but you know that nut. I've only had that old one one crash six times, and I was never in the hospital too long. But Microcar says this model is much more stable and hardly ever crashes. It's supposed to be more secure, too."
        "Why did it keep crashing?"
        "Dunno, something about the spark plugs interacting with the steering system, I'm no mechanic. My mechanic tried to explain it to me but these mechanical things are just too complicated. He says if I'd defrag my pistons more often it wouldn't crash, you get much more stability with a fresh tuneup. But I just said 'the hell with it' and traded it in.
        "In fact, I'm taking it in to the shop right now."
        "But it's a band new car, it needs a tuneup?"
        "No, there's a 'feature' that keeps the door lock from working if you drive it more than six miles. I'm going to get the patch kit".
        "I thought you weren't mechanical?"
        "Well, they say this one's an easy fix and I can't afford another repair bill".
        "Won't they fix it under warranty?"
        "What warranty? This is a car! The EULA says they bear no responsibility for anything. I just hope I don't get in trouble with the law applying this patch."
        "Huh?"
        "Yeah, they weld the hood shut, and under the DMCA, opening the hood of your car is a felony if it's welded shut. You can go to prison if you get caught, even if they are tacky little welds that come apart by themselves."
        "Boy, cars sure are weird. I'm glad my computer isn't like that, I'd never get any work done!"

1/25/2002 Springfield Fragfest