Journal mcgrew's Journal: Lunch with Evil-X 4
Previously: Uploading Amy's Parrot
I aint tellin' no lie, mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear; how years ago in days of old when magic filled the air.
'Twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair. But Gollum and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her. -Led Zeppelin, Ramble On
When I got home from work Friday, Amy and Charlie were both gone, and I had no idea where; Charlie said she was cleaning out a house, and where Amy was remained a mystery. Not that I cared; she was probably in a bottle somewhere and I was happy for some solitude. My daughter Patty was supposed to be arriving for her friend's wedding. She called from her mother's house, and would be by later.
Fifteen minutes later a pair of eyes peeked into the window of the back door. "Patty!" I said as I opened it - but it was Amy. Jim's truck was backed into the driveway, and Charlie was walking around it. The "house cleaning" was her collecting the rest of her things from the late Ralph's. We loaded most of it into the garage, the rest in the house, and Jim left with Charlie and Amy.
Patty and Paul dropped by later. They weren't staying the night, but had rented a hotel room for the weekend. After they left I walked up to Felber's for a beer, and Charlie was back when I got home. "Where's Amy?" I asked.
"We were at Alan's, and Connor came by and got her. Then she dumped him again. I don't have a clue where she is now."
I didn't see Amy the rest of the weekend.
I was up early Saturday. I'm always up early anymore; I'll be glad when I can retire and start staying up late. Patty came by for a few minutes before the wedding, Charlie still asleep on the couch. Patty informed me that she, Paul, her sister Leila (not illiterately spelled "Leela" like the "Leela" in Futurama, but then again Leila has two eyes and wasn't born in a sewer) and I were having lunch together the next day - with her mother.
Shit. I hoped it wouldn't be too ugly. But the last time I'd spoken to Evil-X, on the phone, she hadn't been unpleasant at all.
"Goober's not coming, I hope? 'cause if he is, I ain't."
I call him "Goober" because he's a redneck auto mechanic, and Evil-X hates for me to call him "Goober".
"Don't worry, Goober's not coming" she said. I was pleased that she'd echoed my disrespectful nickname for him. "Mom and him aren't gettin' along too good these days," she added ungrammatically, her parents' redneck roots showing.
When Patty left I went to the Blue Grouch, because draft beer is only $3.50 a pitcher on Saturday there. As I didn't want to drink a whole pitcher by myself I called Linda, and got no answer. Then I called Tami, and she said she'd be by after talking with her "ex" - the alien she's still married to who's joined the US Army and who she fully intends to stay legally married to, sponging off him while acting as if she's single.
She and Linda came in, and Linda was blue and grouchy. "Don't mind her", Tami said, "she just woke up."
What is it with these women, grouchy and sleeping all the time? Charlie at least had an excuse; she's had a bad cold for a few days.
When the pitcher was done, Tami bought another. When it was gone I left, and got a six pack and drank it on the porch swing, listening to the car stereo. The next thing I knew it was eight in the evening, and Charlie was waking me up and putting me to bed.
Sunday morning I got up and prayed for peace - not for peace in in Iraq or Afghanistan, but at the upcoming meal with my daughters and Satan. I read "Young Zaphod plays it safe" and started on the last novel in the series. I've been reading it at home, and Cory Doctorow's Little Brother on breaks and at lunch at work. After a few chapters I watched an episode of STNG, the one with the planet ruled by women. Fitting, I thought, even though I'd been watching the tapes in order and that one was next.
The phone rang; It was Tami. Linda wanted a ride to the graveyard to visit her daughter, who would have been about Patty's age, but had drowned while swimming when she was eight years old. Sunday was the anniversary of Linda's daughter's tragic death. I sadly informed her that I couldn't, I had lunch with my daughters (and my evil ex wife) planned.
"Oh, you said something yesterday, I forgot", she said.
When the Star Trek episode was done I woke Charlie up and asked her if she was hungry, and started cooking. After breakfast we watched The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre, also known as "Passion of the Christ." Then the making of. Paul, Patty, and her sister showed up and we headed off to J&W's for lunch with Evil-X.
It was closed.
Evil-X pulled up in her SUV. My God but that woman has gotten fat and ugly! Jesus but I was glad I wasn't married to her any more. I doubt if I could get it up for the ugly old hag with Viagra and Cialis!
We went to a different restaraunt, one on Dirkson. Dirkson Parkway is the only street in this stupid town where you can eat on Sunday, except Charlie Parker's, and I hate that place. The food is bland and the service is abysmal.
It's been featured on the Food Network, who gave it high praise. We didn't go there; as I said, it sucks.
We talked about eye surgery; Evil-X has had cataract surgery and other stuff too. She talked about how she was working eighty hour weeks and not making much money, and practically fell out of her chair when I told her what I was making these days. Patty was surprised, too. "And you're having trouble paying your bils?" Patty asked incredulously.
"I have an adjustable rate mortgage and they tripled it", I said. "Plus I suck at money; your mom took care of the bills when we were married."
"Yeah, I did" she said.
"Unlike Goober I worked, and gave you all my money"
"Yeah, I gotta admit, you were good about that."
That wasn't all I was good at; I doubt her friends would have hit on me when we were married had she not bragged. But I let it slide.
Her phone rang. "I'm at lunch with my daughters and my ex-husband, do you fucking mind?" and hung up.
"Who was that, Goober?" I asked. She smirked sheepishly. When anyone else would smile or grin, she smirks. "Yeah" she said.
As we were leaving he called again. "If I wanted to put up with his shit I'd have stayed married to your dad," she told Patty.
"Too late, you can't have him" I said. "He's having way too much fun being single."
Next: The Return of Lucy Furr
Another good story in a great journal (Score:2)
Glad to hear about your successful meeting with Evil-X
Sorry to hear about your adjustable-rate mortgage
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You should come down here to Mexico, where alcohol is cheap and women are good looking!
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