... I swear. Lean, SCRUM, XP, Agile, Waterfall, Kanban, Scrumban, TDD, BDD, Pair Programming, Code Review, User Stories... etc... etc... etc.
How about just be a responsible craftsman, understand the customer's requirements and needs, and implement your solution responsibly and with integrity? Whatever that means. If you need to pull someone in, then do it. If you don't, then don't. Christ, how complicated is this? It's one thing to be a junior developer and having to learn things. Fine. But an experienced software developer should not require constant canoodling to get their job done responsibly, with integrity, and with good quality. Is it really that hard?
I'm from a pretty old-school programming upbringing -- back when you were a "Programmer" or "Analyst" or "Programmer/Analyst". I'll tell you in those days... if a programmer demanded this kind of ridiculous hand-holding, canoodling, and process-implementation to get their job done... they would be fired. Plain and simple. This industry has become awash with process and tool zealots... while knowing the customer's needs be damned.