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Journal heliocentric's Journal: My family on a billboard 16

Journal by heliocentric

Ok, first let me bring some of you up to speed. My parental units conceived and brought to term another child. This child being female is thus legally my sister. For various reasons that are beyond the scope of this JE she leads a disjoint life from mine (perhaps by the time you are done reading this you will have some insight into my feelings about her). We see eachother at the occasional family thing such as Thanksgiving, however I have considered not going to several events solely because she was going to be there.

This creature is married and has two children, both with horrible names. Get ready for your first Waahhhh??? moment. The boy, my darling little nephew, is nammed: Azzurro Thomas Irie Dragon Bumble Spider Azul Zimmerman Cadmus. Now, before you hit reply, let me hit the FAQ: yes, it does all fit on the birth certificate, no he's not old enough to know how horrible that is, yes... nine names: 7 "regular" ones and two last names. Thus, he has a name for every day of the week. "Today is Thursday, I must be Bumble" is something that perhaps will hit him. More likely bullies on the play ground will hit him. He is lucky, he comes from large people, and I hope he can hold his own.

The girl? She at least hast a human sounding first name, but it petters off after that: Violet Amythest Lilac Ella Buttercup Jamica Campolina Zimmerman Cadmus. Of note, I am right now not completely sure of the ordering beyond the first first name and the last two (the last names).

Some "reasons" for the different names can be found here, however I should mention that the girl wasn't born yet when I wrote that page and her name did change a little by the time she was produced.

Now, at this point I should offer up some good news, my brother-in-law has had a vasectomy.

Yes, I agree, this is a horrible thing to do to your child (the names, not the vasectomy). Children face a lot of things in life, having a hardship brought on solely by the choice of their parents does not make things easier. Another question is probably popping into your head by now, although they do have a lot of tie die in their lives and vaugely seem to be hippie-ish I can't say that weed or other such drugs play a role in their lives. If they do such things it is not open knowledge and I've never heard of it. Plus, they can at least rely on any multicolored dragons they find to protect their children. At least the boy seems happy.

Ok, so what's with the JE title involving the billboard? Well, the family (the sister, hubby, and both kids) are now on (at least) a single billboard in PA. This billboard can be seen on the West Reading side of the Buttonwood Street Bridge in the Reading, PA area.

Before you ask, no, they left off the entire names of the family.

I have a few pictures of the sign that I am aware of. At this point I can only wonder what a fark photoshopping of them would be like. I know someone needs horns, and I'll let your imagination run wild with the new lettering of the sign. To whomever submitted the picture of me to the photoshop contest, first I thank you, and second I suggest one of this lot. What was done to me was funny, let's do it to my family...

There has been a few threads in a few JEs I've seen lately about baby names, and while I think someday I'll have kids I hope I retain enough of my senses that have brought me this far to not name my children like that. On that note, I was thinking that since I would probably like to have two kids reach an age of great thought and importance I should probably have three just in case I have to kill one of them when they hit their teen years.

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My family on a billboard More

My family on a billboard

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  • That's some weird shit.

    And if the reason ain't drugs, I don't wanna know.

  • "Now, at this point I should offer up some good news, my brother-in-law has had a vasectomy."

    Now that's a punchline. This might be the first time I've ever felt the urge to actually type out "LOL!!" in a non-sarcastic way. Other than that, should I say... congratulations?
    • And frankly, that vasectomy was two fucks too late, don't you think?

      • Re:Wow. (Score:2, Funny)

        by handsomepete ( 561396 )
        What do you even do if you have names like that? I mean, that is going to really really suck. They could each abbreviate the first four names to Atid and Vale - not that it helps (actually makes them sound like they'd have to roll a couple 12 sided dice to decide what to have for lunch), but at least it's fewer names.

        One things for sure -- they're going to hate their parents.
        • What do you even do if you have names like that?
          Work out. A lot.
          Take up boxing/martial arts at a young age.
          bide your time & remember that revenge is a dish best served cold.

          One things for sure -- they're going to hate their parents.
          I think that's putting a rather positive spin on it. That's just broken.
        • The boy (Azzurro) does have a name he goes by for short. Chime in with your guesses and I'll reply in a day with the answer.
          • " The boy (Azzurro) does have a name he goes by for short. Chime in with your guesses and I'll reply in a day with the answer."

            I'm going to guess Azzy, but I'll wager that it's weirder. Lay it on me, holmes.
  • Maybe I am getting too old at nineteen, but how likely are the full names to even appear on the school attendance sheets? I don't really see a problem with childhood bullies.

    Of course, I don't even have a middle name, so I am way out of my area of expertise.:)
    • The name is on the progress reports of day care.

      Plus, these people are on a billboard, do you think parents won't get wind of this family and tell their kids "Hey, are you in the grade with that idiot family with those wacko names?..."

  • wow (Score:1)

    by subgeek ( 263292 )
    part of me still wants to believe that this is a joke you are playing on us. i'm sorry. hope the kids fair well.
    • I can vouch for him. I've meet the whole family the kids really do have 9 names each. The boy is pretty big for his age so maybe he will come out ok.
  • 16 years from now it is quite possible these kids will be reading this post via some sort of archive.org [archive.org] thingy. Kinda creepycool.

  • If you're feeling particularly mean... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Interrobang ( 245315 ) on Wednesday June 04, 2003 @10:08AM (#6114523) Journal
    ...and no one's done it already, I suggest you submit the names to Baby's Named A Bad, Bad Thing [notwithoutmyhandbag.com]. If nothing else, it might make you feel better. :)

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