"Hi, this is the Microsoft Vacuum Inspection Division. I see you're trying to turn on your vacuum. Let me just double check to make sure everything is in order."
"Oh? That's cool. So you're looking for defects, making sure that my device is going to give me a great experience?"
"Ah... yeah... no. That's not what we do."
"Oh. Well then you're going to double check the settings to make sure that I'm not using the wood floor setting on my shag rug, right?"
"Not so much."
"Are you at least going to make sure that the filter is installed correctly and warn me that it needs replacing?"
"No, but we will make sure that you're using official Microsoft Filters. Use of any other brand will void your warranty and cause the vacuum to overheat and burn a red ring into your carpet."
"I see. Well, speaking of carpet, I had to change out the wheels because the default wheels keep getting snagged on my rug. But I figure, I'm only vacuuming my own rug so it's no big deal."
"Oh? Is that so? Guess we're done here."
"Thanks for stopping by! Time to get back to... Hey... How come my vacuum doesn't work any more? I can turn it on, but nothing is getting clean."
"Since you modified the vacuum, that would give an unfair advantage to your abilities, so we had to stop you from using your vacuum."
"Unfair advantage? I'm cleaning my house. My own house! What does that give me an advantage over?"
"I'm sorry but we need to make sure that all customers of the SuckBox 720 have the same experience. Allowing you to use yours would cause problems if you ever vacuumed with your friends."
"Vacuumed with..? You really think I'm going to bring this to a friends house and have a race of who can do suck dirt better?"
"Sorry, but your vacuum is equipped with an Always-On Dirt Regulator Mechanism to prevent tampering so Microsoft can monitor vacuums to make sure no one is cheating or trying to give a bad experience to other owners."
"How do I cheat at vacuuming? And it's just MY OWN F'N CARPET! Who cares how I do it? Fine. I'll put the old wheels back."
"Sorry. But your vacuum has been marked as banned and will never work on our system again. If you wish to purchase a new vacuum, we will allow you get back on-line. However, we also flagged your registration information, and the credit card used to buy the vacuum. You'll have to register under a different name and use a different credit card or your new vacuum will be deactivated also."
"Hello, big name electronics store? I'd like to order a DysonStation 4..."