I can't believe discussion on this topic turned into a heated debate on consciousness and metaphysics, ignoring the explosive impact this research will have on the sex toy industry, especially for the fellas.
No longer will man have to rely on his imagination to put life into the can of Pillsbury biscuit dough he's humping (or the silicon equivalent of the same technology). With the new Thrust Delaying harness your Canned Tang, Handee Man, Li'l Tugger, and Bone Cone can take on a spooky life of it's own! Dial up the delay and you'll think Patrick Swayze was giving you a reach-around via Woopie Goldberg! That's some stranger danger you can feel safe about!
Why stop there? Hook it up to an amp so you can control the volume and tone of your thrusts and plug in some effect pedals to play with the peak and trough of your strokes!
Truly a great landmark day in the history of onanism. Hopefully this will herald growth and innovation (like cotton in a cotton gin) instead of isolating pain and humiliation (like a penis in a cotton gin).