Well, as of late I have encountered some very strong concerns of a personal nature. These things affect someone very close to me and are causing quite a bit of trouble in my head. While I do hope for the best and believe that there is nothing to worry about, I also have to prepare myself in case my worries are legit. The most unfortunate development is that in trying to convey my concerns, my emotions tend to create more trouble, which is why I prefer computers to humans. In a discussion about the subject with one of my family members, I kept feeling that my position was not fully understood, and that in translation, I sounded like an ass. Emotion and interpretation are the most difficult of the worlds problems, at least from my standpoint, and I sincerely with that it was as easy as programming, where if it works it works, if it doesnt rewrite. But life isn't as simple, you can find the proper syntax, get the right answer from your algorithm so to speak, and still not get the point across the way that it was intended.
Anyway, its as frustrating a thing as I have ever encountered. If only we could break communication down to x is right and y is wrong. But, I guess thats a pipe dream, and the only place that works is with machines.
I found that rather than try to make a diffult conversation off the cuff, that I would write it in letter form. That went well as far as the expression of ideas how i mean them, at least i hope so. The real test will be when I present said document to the concerned party and await the response.
In the process of dealing with this issue, the closest and most level headed person i know misunderstood my concerns. I know I dont always express things correctly, especially when emotions are involved, but because of the nature of the subject matter, there is a great deal of disbelief. I dont blame anyone for feeling taken aback, opposed, or even hurt by the presented information, but if god forbid the problem is real, there are necessary precautions to be taken, if it is not, it is still a hard subject for anyone and will undoubtedly cause great stress.
Unfortunately, being so important, there is no way that I could with clear conscience ignore the situation completely. And, I do this with great pain. Im quite sure that before this is over, there will be a great rift between many of us. Regardless of the outcome life will never be the same, and Im afraid of that time. As it stands right now, there is already stressors affecting many relationships, but its about to blow wide open. Tomorrow is the day of reckoning for this situation and hopefully it is smooth and swift. Im afraid , however, that it wont quite work out how I expect(things never do), and there will be a long journey to the end.
I often wish I was a child or even a teenager, then you can claim ignorance, there is not really any important confrontation, and if you dont want to go to school you dont have to. But, you cant skip work and home and school and outside. Its just not a reality, and when all sides close in you feel like a caged animal.
Who knows, maybe the worst is over, and all that is left is to build and rebuild relationships...
On to better things...