While I appreciate the humor of your reply, I am reminded that replies like this belittle the beneficial results of class action lawsuits.
Often in the verdict are requirements for the company being sued to change their practices. For example, changing their contract terms, or changing advertising content to be more accurate, or labeling products more clearly for safety, and so on. These are the actual intended results of the lawsuit, and they are often achieved. The goal of a class action lawsuit is NOT to give the class members money! If you want money for your grievance, excuse yourself from the class and sue the company directly yourself.
Sometimes the company also has to pay a fine and/or legal fees. These fines and fees can add up to a significant penalty for the company, even though the money does not result in a jackpot payoff for the class members. Again, the goal is not to enrich the class members, but rather to force the company to change its practices (and sometimes to punish bad behavior with a fine/fee as well).
The lawyers in this case are the mechanism by which class action lawsuits are enacted. Sometimes these cases can run for years, and involve actual large amounts of hours from employees at the law firm. It's true that being a lawyer can be lucrative, but it takes a lot of hours and since I learned more about it, I'd rather not do it myself. Given that, I don't begrudge them their money earned. (For reference, I'm a software engineer, not a lawyer.)
Thanks for reading.