Journal blinder's Journal: Running In The Fog 2
This is in partial response to Sol's open letter as posted in TL's JE.
I say "partial" because its really not a response, insofar as just a collection of thoughts I had last night. Last night, was profound, on a small scale. Last night was a real, living breathing metaphor for so much what is happening right now, I need to share this. I don't expect this to make sense.
I got home from work around 6:15 p.m. I was tired. Had a bad night the night before. I spent most of the night worrying. Yeah... worry does no good for anyone and solves nothing... but that didn't stop me from worrying. I felt sick most of that night. Work yesterday was a nightmare. People talk so fast, and walk even faster and the clock spun out of control and the only thing i could do was write Sol a song. I sent it to her, she perfected it... i'll get to this in a minute.
So i'm home from work. Not feeling good at all... sorta like i'd just been beaten up. I tried to make dinner... i stared at the fridge and the only thing i settled on was cereal (rice chex). i felt like throwing up after i finished it. i sat and stared at my powerbook for a bit... but then got up off the couch... strapped on my running shoes... got my smelly sweatshirt... did some stretching and headed outside.
It was a very foggy night, perhaps 50 or so feet of clear visibility. A dangerous night to drive it was. I loved it. It was mild, it was damp, the air stank of mold, but i loved it. I crossed the street that had no traffic and i started to run. i was running in the fog. the world looked, smelled and felt like a dream. i needed this. it was comforting. i began to think of things, of people i care about and love, trying to resolve or settle those things i am confused about as i ran... my breathe got stronger and my feet were starting to hurt when i realized just how fast i was running. I hadn't been paying attention. I was in a full run, not a sprint, but a full on run... i usually control my pace better. But i kept going, the sweat pouring down my face as I stared straight ahead into the fog.
i felt so many strange things... a presence? i dunno... perhaps... but i didn't feel alone... and i wasn't scared. I just kept running. i didn't stop once, my breathe was coming in strong but controlled bursts... my fists clenched tight and the spray of the water from my shoes soaking the back of my legs.
I ran nearly 5 miles last night completely enveloped in fog. it was a truly beautiful time i won't soon forget.
i did my cool-down walk (about a half mile) down the dark end of my street... and by the time i made it back to my house i felt completely drained. I dragged myself upstairs to shower... then feeling incredibly tired but actually comfortable... not sick... i sat down and noticed that Sol had recorded the song i wrote. I had written this thing called "Welcome To The Party, Took You Long Enough" which she made better by re-writing parts, shifting things around and turning it into real lyrics. She sent me the WAV file and i swear to you, it was *exactly* as i heard it in my head when i read what she did. There's a passage in the song that i put in and which Sol improved on that goes:
"she spoke to me in a dream: told me to relax
and i'm running down the wormhole i'm not sure that we'll be back"
Read into it what you will... but that single passage summarizes, in my own mind, the last 3+ months and in particular the last week.
Until you've run down your own wormhole where the world changes in a fundamental way, you may not understand this... but i suspect most if not all of you have... so this may actually make sense on some level... or not
Re: (Score:2)
Re:I love (Score:2)
Fog is mental focus. It blocks out what you do not need, and lets you think about what is important.