bellus quies's Journal: Out of the closet...

Out of the closet...finally

I think that the phrase, "out of the closet" is the closest description to what I did last weekend. And no, this has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and everything to do with pretending to be something that you are not.

It was a slow realization, and changing of the way I define myself, but it came down to the fact that I don't want to be Mormon anymore. It was easy enough to tell the half of my family that had already came to that conclusion (being ex- themselves), they were happy for me. The hard part that I haven't done yet is telling the half of my family, which still is firmly ensconced in that dogma, of my choice.

There is a wonderful feeling of newness now that I haven't had in a while. There is much to be explored and discovered, and I feel that I am closer to being me than I was a year ago. There are all sorts of new experiences to have (I had my first cup of coffee the afternoon that I told my fam, in a Starbucks) and new ideas to ponder. It's as if I broke down walls that I have been ignoring my whole life, until now just accepting the fact that that was the way it was and there was no other way it would be.

But anyway, just list this journal among the many of people telling way too much to strangers. There have been other journalers on/. that ponder the fact that someone would write something personal in a public place. Just accept it that they want to, there doesn't have to be some grand reason behind it, just that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

Re:Hmmm....

[bellus quies]

Thank you for your heart felt comment, and your willingness to post a reply to my journal. This is not a choice that I have taken lightly. It has taken much thought, and much reading on my part to come to my final decision. I do appreciate all that I have gained from being raised in the church, I would not be the person I am today otherwise. I do not look upon the church with the hostility that some of my family members do. It was the right thing for me at that period of my life. I played the part of the good little mormon girl, gone to Utah for college and all, but have grown out of that mold and need to find my own way for a while.

Again, I appreciate your comment and welcome any others to comment. I do enjoy hearing others points of view.