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Comment Re:Sounds like a psycopath. (Score 1) 484

I guess what I'm saying is that within the law enforcement community, Woolsey's views may not be that unusual.

Clinton and Gore are merely political animals and (particularly) gullible individuals who were unable to see past the bullshit when they were briefed by their own intelligence agencies. During the Clinton Administration --- when the fate of non-escrow non-backdoor encryption seemed to be in the balance --- there was a steady stream of leaked stories that claimed that terrorists were using absurdly elaborate methods of communication, on a routine basis (anyone remember the Great Steganography Scare?).

But the real eye-opener for me was Louis Freeh, director of FBI under Clinton, a man I had great respect for, until then. Despite his tenure as judge he seemed incapable of seeing secure encryption as an essential Constitutionally protected right, subject only to due process. He sided with those who wanted to back-door everything.

Comment Lamenting the end of the shortwave era (Score 4, Insightful) 62

Shortwave listening was a staple of my childhood. In the 70s and early 80s roughly a third all portable radios were shortwave-capable and a great many people listened to programmes from other countries on a regular basis. Of course you were listening to the raw output of world governments, but you knew this and they made no bones about it. Shortwave is expensive and power-intensive, and yet the airwaves were crowded. People were listening. James Careless has also written this informative shortwave lament which gives much needed backstory for the younger generations.

When I surf US news sources today I can spot the bias from a mile away, and even when they strive for balance of viewpoint the result often comes off clumsily, buried in hedge-words and apologetic disclaimers as if the commentator is, well, feeling a bit insecure. I miss the clarity of sifting world news as portrayed by world governments, assembled and delivered for an English speaking audience in five minutes.

For example, one of my daily listens was Vladimir Posner on Radio Moscow World Service with his daily talk. At a time when US News networks portrayed Russia as a cold-hearted military threat intent on world conquest and our own President Reagan seemed incapable of anything beyond an infantile level of Cowboys 'n Indians... Posner's commentaries were thoughtful and reflective viewpoints on our cultural differences and similarities. You could even 'read' between the lines and glimpse the areas in which Russian society would later reform.

I was lucky to grow up in a time of sunspot activity. Then you could bop over to the BBC for world news (they still cover it best) and then tune at random. You'd hear pan pipes, Romanian lover's laments and even classical music --- tortured as it was by AM bandwidth and fade --- had a certain magic to it, especially at 3 O'clock in the morning.

Tie a long thin wire to a rock and toss the end over a tree or your neighbor's roof, pull it tight and connect it. You're listening to Tokyo, broadcasting from Tokyo. No infrastructure in between except for the ionosphere.

Of course the Internet --- that incredibly, almost laughably fragile construct that relies on stable grid power between you and your 'station', with its hidden single points of failure like DNS and relies on an awesome amount of cooperation and due diligence of faceless corporations and governments to ensure that every little packet will arrive safely and unfiltered... is better, for everything, right?

Sure it is. Until the very day and moment it is not better any more.
Any number of things could happen. It could all be over in minutes.
It would be wise to acquire at least one good shortwave radio.
If something goes wrong with the world, you might be the only one who knows what's going on.
While you're at it, go ahead and toss that rock and give a listen.
We're past the heyday of shortwave broadcasting but there are still voices out there.

Comment Re:Sounds like a psycopath. (Score 5, Insightful) 484

Ya, especially since the attackers were communicating on an unencrypted cell network. This is a purely political statement to move their surveillance agenda along.

You're spot on. There's a cadre of retired intel who, like aging Hollywood actors providing voice talent, get 'tapped' to emerge from retirement and give an press interview or two to drop 'venerable old spook' seed quotes that Opinion columns can churn. I really do believe these people are called up and someone says, "We have an assignment for you. Plant this idea."

Retirees can emerge from the fog, drop their seeds and retreat, there is no unscripted follow-up. Politicians could not do this without having to field questions about their remarks at future press conferences. It is a bug in the human psyche that retired politicians are ascribed more credibility than those in power. They also become 'nonpartisan' in retirement and Opinion columnists of either party can pick up their remarks and without appearing to cross the line.

Crisis: Snowden brand is becoming too popular, achieving folk hero status.
Mission: Tie Snowden to Paris attacks, disingenuously if necessary. Be emotional, tactless and tearful.
Target demographic: People who believe a retiree is 'leaking' old secrets for the betterment of man.
Assigned to: R. James Woolsey, Jr., Director CIA under Clinton

Remember the Clinton Administration and his hatchet-man Al Gore, who made the rounds to Congress trying to sell the idea that it was time to outlaw all non-escrow encryption and impose a single government standard? It's that Woolsey, trying to pull the Woolsey over our eyes again.

There are others. Remember in the early days after 9/11, when Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz used practiced 'aggrieved old man scowls' to shut down questions they didn't like to hear at press conferences, leave them unanswered? And how the fawning press stopped asking those questions? The aggrieved old man bit really works, especially with young reporters.

It distresses me to see the bumbling neocon idiots who built their entire careers on the Big Lie, disregarding their own CIA intel and deceiving the public about threat level (Documentary: The Power of Nightmares) are now being 'tapped' for Middle East analyst sound bites. Every time Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, Chaney or Pearl are quoted the bile rises in my throat. Likewise do old Democrats like Woolsey whose attempted Orwellian schemes I, for one, will never forget.

Comment Static filling my attic from Channel Z (Score 1) 103

They consciously trained their algorithms to do what babies do: pan, and zoom/frame-in-software until facelike features emerge. But what is more interesting, the research relies on YOU to take the last, great leap.

They present the results --- the one from merged faces and the one from objects --- as a 'face'. But is it really a face? Ask yourself, if you were walking outside under perfect lighting conditions and someone with the precise blurred faces shown as their result approaches you. What would your reaction be? Calm and casual recognition or astonished horror? The Uncanny Valley represents the confusion we experience when our facelike scanning apparatus returns a high score but we do not perceive other cues necessary for casual recognition such as limb movement or fluidity of expression.

We now grow up in a sea of photographs and paintings. Try to imagine a time in history when naturally vivid artwork of human figures and faces was first presented to other humans, who until then had only seen actual people resembling people The synchronous echo of "Is a person!" and "Is not a person!" in their minds, depending on their temperament and personal experience, could result in anything from euphoric wonder to a panic of paranoid discomfort.

At times naturally occurring phenomenae we encounter 'seem' intelligently designed -- faces on Mars, crystalline growth, beacon-like pulsars. But that is because they are being intelligently observed. In the early days of ether -- hearing odd radio emissions was thought by some to be 'ample evidence' that there must be a message, was someone talking, we just weren't clever enough to parse the language.

As a kid I first learned that a portion of the static that embodies the white noise between FM stations, and the 'snow' on empty analog TV channels is actually an energy remnant of the Big Bang -- I was hooked. I found an empty channel and watched a lot of snow, just in the wild wild wonder of it all. And after awhile I did begin to see things! Shapes! Hear voices! Coherent slime, oozing out from my TV set. Yet, even as it happened -- one of the intelligent avatars in my seething mind was working in tandem, pursuing its own dream... suggesting to me perhaps, perhaps. The whisper of an alternative theory for these 'visitations'. A flat-fact, I have decided -- I was shaping the static into the familiar by the very mechanisms of my own thought and perception. Aliens and dragins within. That so fit, I wrapped static into a concept, turned off the set and embarked on a fascinating trek of learning about sensory deprivation, the human mind's insatiable lust to find patterns, anywhere! Everywhere!, the mystery of how children 'bootstrap' language, acquiring it by some algorithmic neural osmosis.

Then 'modern' TVs were designed that blank that wild and beautiful analog static, which we once called snow. Then they were all changed again over to digital, so now we are shown our coherent signals, or ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. You could say that at one time there was a bit of the Big Bang in every living room but now it has been banished to the laboratory... appearing most often as a little squiggles on a graph. I feel a sense of loss in this.

I have kept an analog television just so I can turn it on from time to time and see that the static is still there.
And there will come a day when the static is still there but I will be gone, along with all analog televisions.
It will be a whole world of everything or nothing, all noise squelched or designed out or shouted over.
No sublime cosmic mystery in your own living room left to gaze into.
A dark age of total enlightenment.

Comment Re:Post-attack 'responsibility' NOISE (Score 1) 728

Some times yes, some scepticism is in order. In the case of the downed Russian plane, I'd even agree. But in this case, no. If you can't tell the difference too bad for you. It's obvious the IS claim is genuine, at very least it's a similar islamic group. Who do you want to blame? The Russians?

I understand your "at the very least" gist but it covers a lot of ground these days. You should check out Adam Curtis' 2004 documentary The Power of Nightmares . It describes the rise of the American neo-conservative movement in the United States and the rise of radical Islam in the Middle East, and dares to compare them, finding some striking similarities. Curtis' documentary describes how Sayyid Qutb was scandalized by what he experienced in America and what was happening in Egyptian society at the time, and was instrumental in re-planting the ancient seeds of ultra-orthodox Islam 'Wahhabism' in modern times.

What we call "radical Islam" these days would be more appropriately described as "radical action to promote ultra-conservative Islam". In the 1950s, many places in the Middle East were becoming 'Westernized' as they were becoming 'modernized' --- two terms one cannot always use interchangeably --- in places very similar to the urbanization occurring in the US. Nothing communicates this more clearly than these photographs taken in Kabul. Ironically it was the US and USSR way by proxy starting in 1979 that set the country back, handing control to the victorious CIA-ISI-supported mujahideen.

Those who engage in such acts are murderous fucks, and if they claim they are Muslim they should be fed to hogs.

To identify them directly with any religion, even if they are completely enthralled by it, is no favor to you. It elevates them and the religion more than either deserve. Yes some Muslims are assholes. Certainly not the family running the grocery store next door who gave me food and electricity when I had none. State sponsors of these terror groups, including our own CIA (through the Pakistani ISI) should also be held accountable for their actions --- not just by people who remember certain periods in history --- but everyone with the courage to stand up and demand answers to questions today. Like where exactly are the modern weapons and training support coming from? If our allies are involved, what is the true extent of the involvement? And how is Russia's involvement in Syria today similar to what happened in Afghanistan in 1980?

There are no easy answers. If you reach back far enough in time there aren't even any good guys.

Why do I fail to equate the tenets of any sect of Islam with any Middle Eastern country, including the newest one --- Europe?
Because I am an American and I believe in the separation of Church and State.

Why do I believe States should be held more accountable than Religions in sponsoring terrorism?
Because I am an American and I do not believe in the establishment of an official religion for anything at all.

Comment Post-attack 'responsibility' NOISE (Score 5, Interesting) 728

Once upon a time, people were generally less stupid.

If any 'claim of responsibility' emerged hours or days after a terrorist attack it would be treated with the utmost suspicion. Even if transmitted directly to them, news networks would notify the authorities of course, but they might not even report it publicly. Unless a phone call or fax was received at the moment of breaking news, some times even minutes before, the information was deemed to be zero-credible or less than zero, more likely than not the work of a crank. And news sources were generally averse to being cranked.

News sources did not even want to be cranked by governments. They'd never forget to add the words "allegedly" or "believed to be" when repeating a government source who was pretty sure who was behind something. Some acts of terrorism in those days would end up being reported as if they were... simply crimes. The 'who' would not be examined at length until or unless individuals were actually brought forth and charged. Then, their connections to organizations would be explored.

Then the 21st century dawned and people have become generally more stupid.

Now ascribing an organization to an attack is as simple as starting a rumor or sending a tweet. Everyone is on the verge of believing anything, they just need a little push either way. There is no burden of proof, only a preponderance of NOISE. Axe-grinding news sources and governments are already blaming them anyway to take advantage of this lower IQ, so they're already on the ball. Just like Michael Ledeen at AEI was blaming Saddam Hussein for 9/11 on the afternoon of 9/11. (Hint: that was Donald Rumsfeld's favorite website. Can you see a decade of bad road ahead?)

Now a claim by a single so-called 'unnamed source within the government' is cause enough for a press association like AP to drop the 'allegedly' and report the deed as having been done by those people, ready to put in the history books.

If all information should be free, we're sure getting what we paid for.

Comment Super Duper Boy Scout Best Behavior (Score 5, Interesting) 223

there's no "Decline forever" option.

Yes there is. It is called death and is a part of nature.

Well people --- you're just in a pickle because you've let 'em abandon THE SWITCH. How was grandpa sure he could get some shut-eye without the vacuum cleaner going round in circles? How'd we know that when we flicked on that AM radio, the batteries in it would be just as good as we left it? When we put down the phone how'd we know the gub'mint wasn't listening? We had honest to God switches, little bits of metal with springs that snapped 'em so far apart those electrons would just stay put.

Now all you have are little copper titty-buttons on the sides of things, and you've got chipsets to manage the buttons, see? And everything is really connected all the time to these chips, and it's all programmable. It's all flashable. It's all exploitable. There was a time when people liked switches on things because they liked control. You could actually beat your competition if your thing had more switches than your competition's thing, even if some of them were silly. But something changed, and now consumer focus groups and product design engineers try to eliminate as many controls as they can. When we started seeing switches disappear from things we thought engineers were stupid. Turns out engineers were doing it because they thought people were stupid.

If you think you have a Power button that's an actual Power button --- well you don't really. There's probably a timer in there somewhere I could exploit to tell your thing to turn on again. And why would I bother? I could just take control of your thing and make it sing and beep like it's shutting off and once you see that dark screen you'd be none the wiser.

Sometimes I used to send a WAKE-on-LAN packet to my buddy's computer the moment he sat down at his desk in the morning, just as he was reaching for the power button. He'd hear the computer beep and withdraw his finger, puzzled. Took him a while to figure out what was happening.

We now worship the Golden Calf of the Software Sandbox... and we expect our devices to be on their Super Duper Boy Scout Best Behavior. Hope that works out for everyone, but I don't want to hear any whining when shit happens. Google offering a 'Decline Forever' button,

Shoo Google, don't bother me,
Shoo Yahoo, don't bother me,
Shoo Amazon, don't bother me,
Nothin' ever turns off
and I ain't gonna pay
gimmie everything for free.

I'm going to thwack off the MONSTER FRANKENSTEIN KNIFE SWITCH that I have all my modern tech wired to, and get some serious shut-eye.

Comment Irrelevance based socio-slacker clickbait !!! (Score 1) 42

"No amount of _____ pixie dust or _____ hype can hide the technological and societal irrelevance.

Well done! I'm going to clip this word-puppy and spice a bunch with some ugly Pando type illustrations, where crudely drawn cartoon figures are fondling little blobs of 'techy' things with ludicrous expressions of awe, disgust or blank stares. Then spray the Ad networks with variations of it... selling everything from Cadillacs to Cialis to Catpoop scoops.

Socio-irrelevance-slackers will click on it expecting to land on some obtusely erudite scathing commentary on how things, especially these things, really really suck, and what's the use anyway. They seek articles that trigger a little endorphin release they get when smarty-people tear a popular or noble idea apart and trash it in front of them --- and due to a bit of faulty brain wiring --- the mere act of reading triggers in them the same wave of satisfaction as a difficult obstacle overcome or job well done. Just as if they had thought of and written it themselves.

But it is a conditioned response and the mere anticipation of reward begins the endorphin release. So by the time they actually load the sell-page and are staring at the Product the joy juices are already flowing. They'll rationalize away the appearance of simple advertising, thinking that the Author is fronting some edifice by 'reproducing' the object of scorn first on the page. By the time they navigate the spiel and reach the buy/commit links at the bottom, they'll think they're participating in an elaborate multi-page dismemberment of said Product that is so well done, and Author so courageous and hip that the commentary if on... the next page! Or even omitted entirely, since the Point is so Obvious and you are so Clever. In the presence of such greatness, one can only proceed to the end so one can boast about the experience.

Actually, they'll just keep clicking and agreeing until the endorphins stop.
Proud owners of a Catpoop scoop to place on their coffee table as a symbol of capatalist-anarchy-agression.
And I'll be affiliate-rich!

Comment Nation's 'BIGGEST' wiretap operation, HA HA! (Score 3, Funny) 118

I love the headline (really do, no /sarc) because it really shocks the monkey. It brings to mind some hypothetical Ouija Board conversation with say, a channeled framer of the Constitution or Machiavelli or Stalin --- using the USB interface Ouija Board I built for faster throughput. I will market it as IRC for the Dead. Once the modern definition of 'wiretap' is cleared up it really gets rolling.

FRANKLIN: I take it you mean the interception of private letters? We affix waxen seals to guard against casual inspection should carriers desire to do this, though there are some with great skill in revealing their contents. Steam from a kettle is often employed. But it is surely an unreasonable search for a government to do so. We also at times employ clever codes.
MACHIAVELLI: It is hard to imagine why such inspection would be desired for the massive daily packets that traverse cities, nations and oceans. Would not the burden of reading become tiresome?
STALIN: I instruct my post office to tear everything open whether there is time to read them or not. They rifle and crumple the contents. Some times they even stain the letters with wine to give correspondents the impression that there was a great feast and their precious documents were passed hand to hand and read aloud. In order to preserve equanimity the State must keep all persons on uneven footing.

ME: In these times hardly anyone speaks in code and there are no seals. We speak into our devices plainly, and the paper packet has become a flowing river of letters passed over wires. Any communication can span the globe.

FRANKLIN: No seals and plain speech everywhere. What an enlightened time!
MACHIAVELLI: So those who talk greatly outnumber those who might listen? In the cacophony of such a mob secrets may be shouted yet unheard.
STALIN: This is madness. Every telephone conversation across the border had a listener. If one was not available the operator would ring you back, at times days later. Shut it all down before it is too late.
FRANKLIN: Surely our government takes steps to protect its citizens from having their conversations heard by hostile governments?

ME: You guys are so behind the times. These are not just voices, everyone is identified and it so happens that the United States Government does most of the listening throughout the entire world, even and especially to its own citizens. People all over the world consider us scoundrels for doing this. They can even store voices and play them back years later. If a tyrant should arise, the Militia will discover that their own names and entire personal histories are laid bare, so the tyrant can clean house more efficiently than any in history.

FRANKLIN: How... can.... this.... be?? No,no no!-------- LOST CARRIER
MACHIAVELLI: How crude and uninteresting. So this is a simple story of gross stupidity and madness then. Ah, and I had hoped that as time progressed the plots of men would become more intricate. I think I will leave now to find a more suitable parallel existence.
MACHIAVELLI <has left the channel>
STALIN: Now it gets interesting. Tell me more about your government's so-called 'wiretaps'.

ME: Well, which one? I mean there are so many. You have
Local policemen tracking people with their phones, able to follow their position. The voices are inside their boxes and with a flip of the switch they could hear them. They're only supposed to flip that switch if they have permission.
It is the law under the CALEA Act that our telephone companies be able to simultaneously intercept as much as 1 in 100 conversations in cities...
Under FISA people can be followed everywhere in the country and listened to with no involvement by local police and judge.
The DEA, Treasury and IRS can do pretty much anything they want, they rely on judges that rubber stamp requests.
The NSA is a spy organization like your KGB that was bound by charter never to listen to Americans talking to other Americans, but they've thrown all that out now, they gather information about every single communication.
The NSA also has secret taps on the rivers of information on land and under sea, so even if they get their wrist slapped a great deal of the stuff they will get anyway...
These days when you hear about a wiretap operation you KNOW it's the government doing it. But you also have to ask yourself, which one?

STALIN: I have reconsidered my position. This is not madness, it is brilliance!

ME: Gotta go now. If I continue this conversation I'll wind up on some no-fly list.
ME: <has left the channel>

Comment Putting 'Black Start' into everyone's vocabulary (Score 2) 188

Take a moment to review NERC EOP-005-2: System Restoration from Blackstart Resources. If you live in North America, plans described in this document are your only real line of defense from the chaos and harm that may arise from grid-down disaster. Here is a peek at some software tools used by the industry and Black Start specific enhancements in progress [2013].

Note that NERC's Compliance and Enforcement process is voluntary. This means no one's going to jail for failure to implement these measures... and there are many in the industry who prefer it that way. We have witnessed the growth of the Department of Homeland Security way past its original mandate. Indeed there is a slow motion power grab in progress.

If you distrust large corporations and the consortiums they form then you're already suspicious. But few can argue that the grid is not resilient or well designed. In most cases frequency and voltage give operators all the feedback they need. But it has not ever been shut off completely, and the electrical equivalent of post-9/11 'ground stop' is neither practical nor possible to test black start capability... NERC does do regular computer simulations of country-wide restarts.

So if you are fortunate to live near one of the ~7,304 operational power plants in the United States (for example) and know some people who work there, you might pose these questions:

Has your plant participated in EOP-005 drills?
Has there ever been a country or region-wide drill where procedures are acted out in real time?
Do you feel the time presently devoted to this scenario is adequate, and plans are in place?
Do you have confidence that the grid could be restarted successfully?
Are there any 'old school' approaches to this problem you feel are not addressed or trained adequately?
To what extent are these black start procedures reliant on computers and functional computer networks?
What kinds of grid-wide inter-plant communications are in place for coordination when the grid is down?
Would any coordination efforts rely on carrier networks (telephone, cell, Internet) being up?

The very first BBC episode of Connections The Trigger Effect explores how we have become reliant on modern technology without needing to understand its intricacies, and uses the Northeast Blackout on November 9, 1965 and peoples' reactions to illustrate this.

If Black Start should fail or become delayed indefinitely, National Geographic: American Blackout is a documentary that dramatically explores effects of an extended grid outage. It is a tame outage -- no Winter freeze or volcanic ash --- with cyberattack as its rather specious scenario. At present the operational controls of power plants are diverse and there is a great deal of manual control, and a coordinated attack could only target the grid monitoring systems and communications between plants.

Comment Stratum Zero leap smear over 6 mo/1yr? (Score 1) 291

Following from Google's strategy, but spreading it out quite a bit so it would be more convenient and less devastating to tracking applications, YET would completely remove the leap hiccup from the IT world which seems to be the main concern...

Why not agree to install a few 'shims' at all the world's stratum-zero sources that start a linear drift of 1 second over the course of six months to a year before the 'scheduled' leap second deadline? Then once the drift crosses the 1 second mark the shim is automatically disengaged? The drift would be precisely accounted for and measurable in GPS sources but would be hidden well below the noise level of NTP sync.

If the drift would create a problem, it may only require specialized software to 'un-drift' the signal for those few high precision applications that already contain nanosecond-capable hardware and (presumably) a firmware update cycle.

Just a few shims and some international coordination in place of umpteen million software changes or a clock drifting further out of sync... and the world's consumer GPS and Inter-networks would be infinitesimally off the mark for awhile?

If you'd like to read what might be the world's only science fiction short story about loss of NTP sync, see my tiny yarn here on Slashdot, The Time Rift of 2100: How We lost the Future --- and Gained the Past.

Comment Re:Ring the Bell for Mental Health (Score 1) 105

You are sick, you might want to seek a therapist for your empathy issues.

You are Anonymous, you might want to seek advice from a philosopher as to why some feel comfortable ascribing their identity to positive opinions, but seek anonymity when expressing negative ones.

Empathy is the basic human currency of civilization and its value has been debased by a 'fiat' system of pop-psychology political correctness, a hive phenomenon. Many ugly hivey things arise from it, like an institutionalized idea of 'mental health' that is little removed from religious judgement and (when it does not work) fervor, and the coddling of people with therapy/drugs/feedback who know damned well what is wrong with them because they are intelligent, and lack only the (mental, figurative) kick in the arse that they can only supply themselves. But now it will all be supervised by an Expert and it will begin, tomorrow. Or when the drugs kick in. Or when my girlfriend stops harassing me. Or when I'm good and ready.

Perhaps my MOD:FLAMEBAIT stern advice on syncing to the 24 hour clock and forcing yourself into regular habits --- before trying anything else --- would seem very different if it was served up by a Siri-sexy voice on a Google Wearable Device. How creepy is that. All watched over by machines of loving grace.

Comment Ring the Bell for Mental Health (Score 0) 105

(DISCLAIMER: I don't give a shit if you trample my lawn) Just 'grow up'. And find the right folks to hang around with who you trust to supply honest and direct feedback on your progress. In growing up I mean.

Growing up means fixing yourself on a 24 hour cycle of basic habit, eating, pooping and sleeping at the same times every day, including 'weekends' because your biology recommends it. The week is an artificial construct and what everyone calls the Monday and Tuesday blahs is usually jet lag from the weekend lack-of-schedule. Be awake the same times of day, every day and if your work schedule is harsh, compensate by taking a brief nap when you get home from work before you do other stuff, and longer afternoon naps on the weekend. No sleeping in late, always rise at the same time every day and give it a go, at least for awhile.

Growing up means you decide when it is time to sleep and do it, literally stare at the ceiling in a dark room until you either fall asleep or it's time to get up again. No screen watching or phone twiddling when it's time to sleep and then you whine to your friends and doctor, "I just couldn't sleep! Pity me! Medicate me!"

Never mind the broken childhood or unfulfilled dreams or loony parents or voices in the head. Even collecting weapons is cool, the world is full of armed persons who don't kill people. You're probably not really paralyzed or hung hung up so much by that stuff as you are ready to use it as a stupid excuse for doing stupid things anyway. So just don't do stupid things. Unless you're able and willing to try my simple 24 hour schedule before you seek help you're probably on a narcissistic road of advice dismissal anyway and have a fun time on the way down, hope you can afford the meds and side-effects. If you drink alcohol, well happy day what the fuck --- you drink alcohol. It's your liver. But drink it at the same tie every day and when you lay down set your alarm for three hours and drink a big load of water to flush your body and prevent your waking self from becoming a desiccated science experiment.

If you are not diagnosed with anything that makes the doctor machines that go 'ping!' start pinging, then fuck you if you're unwilling to try my simple advice. You're a burden to everyone else and the sooner you realize that and grow up the better. You can even pretend it was all your own idea and I'll be just as happy. Because I love you all and we're all Bright Giant Love Balls bouncing around so free!

I'm like a bright giant love ball, bouncing around so free
Out of the night that covers me,
a bright giant love ball, happy to be me
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I'm like a bright giant love ball, shining for all to see
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
So let us dance, oh let us dance,
In the fell clutch of circumstance
be happy, be happy let us dance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Oh let us dance, oh let us dance,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
let us dance and laugh and sing and shout for joy!
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
I'm like a seed that I planted, so young and so small
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
needing to be watered, so I'll grow strong and tall
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
friendship is my water, my sun the warmth of love,
And yet the menace of the years
I will grow and grow and grow and grow and grow!
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
So let us dance, oh let us dance,
It matters not how strait the gate,
be happy, be happy let us dance,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
Oh let us dance, oh let us dance,
I am the master of my fate,
let us dance and laugh and sing and shout for joy!
I am the captain of my soul.

~The Rev Carey Landry and William Ernest Henley mashup

Comment Re:Even Worse: (Score 1) 112

My refrigerator is home to potentially dangerous bacteria and fungi.
I think what's in the vegetable crisper drawer may even be of alien origin.

Beat me to it!
Here is the obligatory Weird Al reference

Wouldn't the thriving presence of this phantasmagorical phylum in the ISS environment --- as it exists in every nook and cranny everywhere on Earth --- be a sign that the ISS environment was AOK, as conducive to human life as any other? A most healthy singing canary?

Potentially Lethal Levels Of Dust Discovered In Vacuum Cleaner Bag! News at 11.

I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.