TechnoLust's Journal: Speaking to People and Interpersonal Communication

I'm writing this mostly for eugene, but I think some of the rest of you will enjoy it, if you can't learn anything from it. But first the background. My motivation is my faith, so if you do not want to hear the "religious" aspect of it, skip the next paragraph.

I've always been a counsellor. Not by trade, but out of necessity. For some reason, God brings people to me that are hurting. He's been doing this for years, but it was one every few years. When I went on Emmaus, I was praying that God would open my eyes to what He wanted me to see. I also told Him I was willing to submit completely to His will and do His work. Apparently He wants me to counsel hurting people, as I have been doing, but He's stepped it up a notch. I've approached several people lately that I thought needed me, and indeed they did. Most of the time it is a short encounter. They are going through something and just the fact that someone noticed they were hurting and cared enough to come over and talk to them is enought to get through it. Sometimes, it's an ongoing thing, like with a girl at church. I might be able to share more about that later, but now is not the time. So, I've asked God to open my eyes to people's hurt and to work through me to help them.

I have been attending a prayer class on Friday nights, that is held at our church building, but the person conducting it is in no way affiliated with our church. Most of the attendees are not members of our church. After the class, they will pray for people that request it. Friday night, I was there and after class, I was talking to this girl that wants to help in the celebrate recovery ministry. I talked to her for about 30 minutes. As I was talking to her, I noticed a 22 year old girl (I found that out later) that had been sitting by a woman in her 50s, was now sitting alone, because the woman with her had gone up to pray with another lady. There were other people that age and older that were sitting alone, but I kept looking at her. As soon as I was finished talking to the girl that's wanting to help, I walked over to this girl (LB). She was sitting in the seat next to the end seat. I stood at the end of the aisle and said, "Are you ok? You're sitting all by yourself." She said she was fine, but that this was she didn't have to talk to anyone. I asked if she was shy. She looked at me like that was the most personal question I ever could have asked, then she said, "Wow, do you just ask whatever comes to your mind?" I said, "It's the best way to find out what you want to know." She then told me that she has Social Anxiety Disorder, and she's very much afraid of people, especially people she doesn't know. [like me] I said told her I'd like to talk to her, but if I was making her uncomfortable I would leave. She said, "No, don't leave, I want to talk to you. But you are making me nervous standing up, can you sit down?" I asked if she wanted me to sit next to her, or on the next row. She said she didn't care, but she (maybe unconsiously) motioned for me to sit beside her. So I sat beside her and I asked if the lady she was with was her mom. She said, no, just a friend. She said she was nervous and never knew what to say, and had a tendency to ramble, and she wondered what things to ask people, and worried about asking the wrong things and offending someone or that there would be an awkward pause. She was holding a little metal cross and rubbing it with her thumbs. She told me she used to have a worry stone, but she didn't have it any more. I asked if she rubbed it into non-existence, she looked at me and was almost hurt, but I smiled to let her know I was kidding, and she smiled and said she lost it. Every time she would finish talking, I would prompt her for more information by asking an open ended question, or relate a story of my own that had to do with the topic at hand. We talked about her family and what she wanted to do in life, and all that. We talked for about 45 minutes I guess. She really started to lighten up. Her friend that she was sitting with comes to my house for Bible Study on Monday nights. So I invited LB to come also. I told her I was the only guy, normally, so she could come and help them pick on me. Her friend has vision problems and isn't supposed to drive at night, so LB has been driving her around. I told her she could drive her to Mon. night Bible study and stay. She said she would think about it.

Monday night, we were a little late getting started, it was Ann's birthday (Ann is the teacher) so some of the girls came early and made a cake and I bought some sushi and we had sushi for dinner, then decorated, then Ann came in and we talked. When Ann started, she opened her lesson plan then she closed it and said she wanted to do something different. She told us to turn to Colossians instead. As I was turning, LB came in. She sat beside me and read out of my Bible and then stayed afterward for cake. She talked to people and did really well. I talked to her a little more before she left.

I guess the reason I'm so comfortable talking to people is that I'm not worried about impressing them. I'm not thinking about whether or not they like me. I'm just being me, and if they don't like me, that's their loss. (It hasn't happened offline yet. Some of my former /. fans have left, because I don't censor my JEs to only talk about things they want to hear.) I like myself, and I'm comfortable enough with myself that I'm comfortable around people. And if God tells me to go speak to someone, I go over and He gives me the words.

god says

[SolemnDragon]

god says that's nice of you.

No, i'm not kidding.

sol

Re:god says

[TechnoLust]

When you say god are you referring to your papa, or has my God spoken to you?

Yes, I would not think you would kid about this.

hm

[SolemnDragon]

...there you go again, insisting that there's a difference... god is god, that's about as big as it gets.

s

Re:hm

[M.C. Hampster]

...there you go again, insisting that there's a difference... god is god, that's about as big as it gets

It's easy to gloss over any differences and just claim for everyone to believe in the same God, but is that the case? What about this example? If I say I know someone named John Smith and he is a 6' white male and you say you know John Smith too, but he's a 5' hispanic male with only one arm, do you think we're talking about the same John Smith? What are the possibilties?

1. We are talking about tw

5.

[SolemnDragon]

5. John Smith is an architect and a member of the royal order of jaywalkers. You know a John Smith who is an Architect. I know the same John Smith, but only as a member of the ROJ. Because we come from different backgrounds, John Smith, who is many things to many people, is not seen as the same person by us- even though he is, and even though what we perceive of him (even put together) makes up only a fraction of the John Smith that there is to know.

In fact, as a member ot the royal order of jaywalkers, J

Re:5.

[M.C. Hampster]

Fantastic response! Thank you for not ignoring the law of non-contradiction. :-)

Could you describe what/who you see as God?

Obviously, if there is a God that is anything like the God most people imagine him/her/it to be, the creator of all the universe, etc., that being will be inifinately more complex than us. It would take forever to even begin to understand that being. However, that is not to say that the being can be anything to anyone then.

For instance, Christians believe that Jesus, the man

Re:5.

[TechnoLust]

Well said. I have been extremely busy today, but you captured what I was going to say exactly. I was considering taking it offline in email, because Sol's usually more comfortable in that setting when we get into the deep religion. That, and I'm getting server busy errors 9 out of every 10 connects.

hm.

[SolemnDragon]

Because i might be wrong about my god, or TL might be wrong about his god, or we both might be wrong and God might just pack us all up to an alternate universe where we're all ferrets with green fur, which could be hell or heaven or both, depending on how much we like the idea. On the other hand, if god would send people to hell for disobedience, and what i know as god has told me not to throw away the bible, but not to take it as the only word of god, i'm not disobeying if i follow those instructions- even

Re:god says

[eugene ts wong]

Thanks for asking her. It's not so much that I don't know the difference, or that I don't know what she is generally referring to, or that I don't know where you stand on the doctrinal issue. It's just that I kind of need to know how you react to those comments.

Verse

[M.C. Hampster]

(It hasn't happened offline yet. Some of my former /. fans have left, because I don't censor my JEs to only talk about things they want to hear.)

When I read this, it made me think of this verse [crosswalk.com]

Re:Verse

[TechnoLust]

Thank you for that. :-)

Thanks!

[eugene ts wong]

"It's the best way to find out what you want to know."

I agree. I think that we shouldn't hinder ourselves too much. Of course, I'm going to be careful that I don't get nosey, but other than that.

Regarding disorders, I really don't like it when people say that they have social anxiety disorder. After all, it's not as if people can be good @ socializing without practise. If we are forced to perform before a 1000s of people without practising a new instrument, then I'm sure that we're going to feel a bit nerv

Re:Thanks!

[TechnoLust]

I think practice has a lot to do with confidence, but parental/peer support plays a major role as well. Self Esteem is a large contributor also. If you don't think people want to talk to you, they won't. When I look at people, I can see them for what they do well, and the positive things about them, ignoring the negative. The hard part was learning how to look at myself in the same manner.

Her particular situation was brought on by her mother's need to have someone depend totally on her. But now, she's

Re:Thanks!

[eugene ts wong]

I think it would be great if you visited. I'd like for you to see my church and Bible study groups.

Thanks. I'm looking forward to it quite a lot. I'm thinking about travelling across the US in the summer of 2005. After that, I might visit eastern Canada for a bit. It would just be a matter of having enough money. It'd be kind of cool if I could get a work visa [or whatever they are called], so that I could stay longer in different places.

I'll warn you, though. I have a tendency to bring people out of their

courage

[bluefairee]

i think it's great that you feel confident enough with who you are to be able to help others like you do. i've meet a lot of people that could give so much to others if they'd only have more confidence in their abilities. instead they never ask to help and both parties go away no better off then when they came.

as for the whole disorder thing, i think there are cases where they are valid disorders. i also believe that doctors now-a-days are disorder diagnosing pill perscribing happy. i've met quit a few p

Re:courage

[TechnoLust]

Thanks. I am confident, although I wasn't always. My faith has had more to do with that than anything. I have to always be careful when I pray for something. God has a tendency to give abundantly... so now I have many people to help. Which is great, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, I agree doctors go "disorder happy" and want to fix everything with a pill. She has been discouraged from speaking all her life because of family problems, and now is trying to learn to venture out on her own.

Hopeful

I agree

[intermodal]

I've also long been a counsellor, not professionally, but with friends. be it friends in person or online, God has long brought them to me. I am much like you in that i'm not out to impress them, just to help them. often I know that the words aren't mine, too...stuff I had never thought of before. I might have to make a JE about that at some point.