Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: Fairies ol' Grimm Never Thought To Mention 11
After my earlier pleading to the brass fairies, they did indeed leave some pocket change in my bookbag with which to buy a cup of the toxic waste that is sold as decaf coffee hereabouts. (In fairness to the bad coffee fairies, i'm old that if you add enough cream, you can upgrade the flavour to 'iodine,' but i've never had the courage to try.)
Yes, the brass fairies are the ones responsible for pulling you through when you're down to the coins in yer pocket. THey usually leave such presents under the couch, though sometimes in the pockets of clothing you've put away, you'll find a bill or two.
Let me tell you about some other fairies you haven't heard much of.
The Foul Language Fairie.
Rumoured to be related to ellem, em, and mekkab, this little gremlin inserts crude words into correspondence. It will frequently suggest words you may not know the meanings to, or make up whole new ones, as SamTheButcher's variant excels in. This little brute has no sense of propriety, lives on beer and bratwurst, and can usually be befriended by way of offerings, usually of the extremely alcoholic variety. Don't ask me how blinder made friends with one, they don't usually live on soymilk.
The Cord Tangler Fairie.
This little charmer likes to play. He'll play with any kind of cable, guaranteed to leave it a disaster no matter how well you packed it into the box or what you've glued/stapled/weighted/tied those cords down with. He is responsible for headphone wire tangles, cable mismatchups, and those holiday lights are his specialty. Don't even bother trying to make friends with him, unless you're planning on cursing a fellow worker with his horrible games.
The Old Food Fairie.
You haven't ordered Chinese Food in two months, and there weren't any leftovers. Yet there's half a box of old rice and one lone, unfortunate dumpling on the back of the top shelf in the fridge. That's this little sweetheart's contribution. Plus the dead celery, moldy orange, and that half jar of pickles from '82 that no one dares open and you're sure nobody in the household ever brought home because you just cleaned the fridge last week. This is another one you don't want to make friends with. Unfortunately, she knows the shopping list fairie, so you're screwed.
The Shopping List Fairie.
All right, so you don't NEED three cans of tinned corn, or a packet of mushroom soup, or a box of orange marmoset. But that's what the list seems to say. Needless to say, you know you put half a dozen other things you need on it, and they aren't there. Let's see... milk, bread, maybe that was orange marmalade? So you buy what you can think of, spending twice what you intended, only to return home to find that you didn't need half of it, didn't get everything you needed, and your daughter wants to know where that book on marmosets is for her report, the one put out by Orange Press. Darn it! It's the fault of the shopping list fairy, who is sitting nearby and laughing at your halfhearted attempts to find a place in the cupboard for five boxes of macaroni and room in the fridge for yet another gallon of milk.
The Snack Prevention Fairie.
Related to the shopping list fairie, this one makes sure that if there are cookies, there is no milk. If there is sandwich filling, there is no bread. If you have every single ingredient for your favourite recipe but the cardamom, by the time you secure that spice, the first three ingredients will have been lost, stolen, fed to the cat, or destroyed by a meteor that landed in your kitchen. This is a good fairie to get the attention of if you mean to lose weight... A lot of weight... but a bad one if you mean to cut down on your stress levels as you achieve this worthy aspiration.
The CellPhone Dialer Fairie.
This is the gruesome little devil who dials your number from the cell phones of friends, resulting in twenty minutes on your answering machine of grocery shopping, or cooking dinner, or sometimes the sound of traffic. If you don't have a lock on your phone- the only known deterrent- he'll also send out cryptic keypad messages for you, resulting in strange looks from your friends and the cursing of your name by total strangers. It's usually a bad idea to tick off this little guy, so leaving offerings is a good idea. You thought that those little charms people hang from their phones were for decoration? No. They're a distraction device. Offerings which get their attention tend to be of the small and shiny variety... which is why eventually, all cell phones stop working. Their internal stuff is so pretty...
The Data Query Fairie.
Yeah, there's stuff in there that no sane person would have entered. You ask for the report listing all the last week's Fluggert Calculations, and you get a recipe for onion dip. Every time someone looks for information connected to your operations in Guam, they get the answer, "Bergenheffle." Problem in the code? Did someone just enter a whole lot of wrong data, for the heck of it? Or is it just the magic of modern, well, magic? On a good day, the data query fairie keeps every speck of data in line, reporting it when you ask. On a bad day, you're in real trouble. There's no helping it, especially not on a day when this one gets together with its friends, the Database Disturbance Gremlins and the Code Bug Boglins.
Just call in sick. It's safer.
These are just a few of the friendly fellows that Grimm left out. We hope to bring you more from the field soon, as our research permits.
Ye Olde Gods of Yore (Score:2)
Get on their bad side and they will taunt you with what appears to be an empty parking spot. On closer inspection, however, you will find that a
Re: (Score:2)
*giggle* (Score:2)
one of the cable fairies has indeed found a comfortable life where ever my studio gear lives. its achieved some breathe-taking masterpieces.
Re:*giggle* (Score:2)
i AM the cord tangler fairie!! Hahaaahaaaa! You only think it's knitting; really i just hold onto the yarn and it tangles itself solid. THe needles are for show.
Re:*giggle* (Score:2)
+10 to sticky
+5 to rolly
"execuse me sir, where can i find a rolly stick of doom?"
"a what?"
"a rolly stick of doom."
"um, i'm not sure i know what that is."
"you know... rolly, sticky... doom?"
"oh right, a rolly stick..."
"of doom"
"yes, of doom... i think those are in isle 7"
You forgot the Dryer Fairie (Score:2)
This is probably the least evil, but most annoying of the lot. The Dryer Fairies is considered non-evil because it doesn't actively do anything other than eat. Socks. Unfortunately, it insists on variety; it will never eat 2 of the same kind of socks. There has been some speculation that the Dryer Faerie is actually a juvenile form of the Closet Hanger faerie. (You remember those ones don't you? Always filling your closet with bent and misshapen clothes hangers.)
In Boy Scouts (Score:1)
My friend is.... (Score:2)
The Data Query Fairie (Score:2)
The Cord Tangler Fairie (Score:2)
Re:The Cord Tangler Fairie (Score:1)