Saint Aardvark's Journal: I AM NOT GAY. I ONLY USE THE SITE.

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time.

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 10:10:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: "kolaabiola93" <[e-mail]>
Subject: ACCLAIMED WINNER
To: [e-mail]
X-Spam-Level: ****

Naturally, this letter will come to you as a surprise since we have not met permit me to introduce myself. I am kolawole Abiola, the first son of the late M.K.O. Abiola, the acclaimed winner of the annulled presidential election of June 12th 1993 of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Before my Fathers death, he willed all his assets and wealth in my name (as the first son) because my family is a polygamous one, my father has many wives.

My father transferred a lot of money in United States dollars domination abroad. And also his assets worth billions of dollars abroad. Presently, (US$81million) eighty-one million United states dollars only, is in a security company in europe and asia countries , that???s why I am soliciting for your urgent assistance to safely transfer this money in to your account on your behalf and myself. For your assistance, 30% of the total sum will be given to you, 10% to offset local or foreign expenses that may be incurred in the course of this remittance. I shall be meeting with you, if you accept to assist me.remember all modalities have been worked out to ensure a clean remittance of this fund into your account hitch free. Your expertise has been taken into consideration and quite believe that you will protect my interest by taking this deal strictly confidential.it will taken fourteen(i4) working days to actualize this project, without delay. I will appreciate your quick response.I am open to further question you may wish to ask in respect of this business transaction. Our dreams will surely come true.

Regards
Yours faithfully,
Kolawole Abiola

NOTE:I AM NOT GAY.I ONLY USE THE SITE

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I nearly pissed myself laughing. Here's my response:

Kola! My heart is surely full of happy tidings at this wonderful news.
I am truly amazed at the fortune that Kismet has brought to us. Yes!
Yes! I would love to enter into your business arrangement, particularly
as I am also not gay. People tell me I am but I am not. I am happy
that you will understand this. I love you as a brother. I am not that
way.

Whatever modalities that may happen to need to be worked out will
surely be no impediment to greasing the skids of our close financial
relationship. Truly, my bank account is like an open hole at this moment,
and your loving offer comes as a breath of hot sunshine, opportunely
timed. Long, long have I gazed upon my empty mailbox, waiting for
someone to fill it. That person, Kola, is you.

I am happy to lend you my hand in fulfilling your needs. I await further
instruction breathlessly.

May this moment live in your heart as long as it surely will in mine!

--
John Holmes
[e-mail]

SpamAssassin nearly caught it; the score was 4.9. I'm glad it made it through, actually. I'll keep everyone posted.

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Holey inneundo, Batman!

[zptdooda]

(that's all I had to say)