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Comment: Re: Would most people be better off undiagnosed? (Score 1) 329

by Panruru (#43799641) Attached to: Psychiatrists Cast Doubt On Biomedical Model of Mental Illness

Where could I move that isn't plagued by corruption in the government, global recession, and other complicated socio-economic problems? How do I find people I like hanging out with when I stopped enjoying most social activities of any kind several years ago? What kind of job could I get that I would actually enjoy? I've been trying to find a new job for over a year and I haven't found a thing, even when applying to janitorial and server jobs. When Burger King is getting over 300 responses to their posted ads, what chance do I have?

I like animals, so I got more pets. I'm trying to find work in that field, but I've had no luck. And even if I did, would I really be much happier? I love the animals, they actually make me smile, but they're not going to make my depression go away. It's heavy and suffocating and it's always there, except when I took ecstasy those two times, but I can't anymore because my current medication renders it useless.

I took a look at that link you gave me, but I'm not sure what to think of it.

Comment: Re: Would most people be better off undiagnosed? (Score 1) 329

by Panruru (#43799589) Attached to: Psychiatrists Cast Doubt On Biomedical Model of Mental Illness

I finally tried once near the end of high school, but I couldn't cut deep enough. The pain shouldn't have been a problem; I'm fine with a little pain, but I guess there are instincts that make self harm a lot harder than one would think. I sat there, splattered in congealing blood, and I thought, "this is disgusting. And it's not going to work."

As long as I'm still alive, there's a chance that things will get better. I no longer hold any real hope for this; even under optimal circumstances, I think it would be difficult ... and the optimal circumstances will probably never, ever come about. But it's still a possiblity, and it's something I ought to hold on for, because suicide is both final and extremely difficult without the proper motivation.

Still, every day I pray I'll get cancer. I don't care how terrible the disease is. If it gets me closer to the finish, I'll welcome it with open arms.

Comment: Re: Would most people be better off undiagnosed? (Score 1) 329

by Panruru (#43738525) Attached to: Psychiatrists Cast Doubt On Biomedical Model of Mental Illness

The despair yawns under me, a wide black hole in the bottom of my mind, entreating everything above to slip into its cold embrace. There's not much left, now ... and even if there was, what would I do with it? No amount of hope will conjure opportunity from an unattractive job market and societal problems so confounding that apathy is toted as the only healthy solution. Not that I'm blaming everyone else for my problems, the problem is me. I could make more friends, but I wouldn't enjoy spending time with them. I know this from experience, not pessimissm. I just don't enjoy being around most people. I don't enjoy most things.

I want to die all the time, almost. None of the therapists I've been to understand that. "What sorts of things make you anxious?" they ask, "When you start having these feelings of wanting to die, what are you doing?" When I want to die I am at my shitty job, I am on the bus, I am at the bank, I am talking to friends. I'm smiling as I chat with some co-workers because none of them will understand if I tell them how much I want to cut my hand off with the band saw and watch myself bleed out. Someone I trust is standing behind me, screaming, please kill me please kill me please please please PLEASE please let me die let me die please help me and I have to smile and keep talking because it's always there and most people just won't get it.

Fuck music. Fuck "talking up old times," what, high school where I spent my afternoons dreaming of torching the place down? Fuck everyone who tells me that we all think basically the same thoughts; you have no idea what it's like in here. No. Fucking. Clue.

Comment: Re:Wrong objective (Score 1) 204

by Panruru (#43310049) Attached to: An Instructo-Geek Reviews The 4-Hour Chef

I'm not offended at all; with my level of knowledge, nothing should be assumed. The recipes I attempt usually take at least an hour and never turn out quite right ... except for meatloaf, which I have mastered by repeatedly tweaking the recipe to taste. Sometimes I can make stir fry. I'll check out that site you linked.

And thank you for the tip about the margarine; I had always suspected as such, but far be it from me to complain about Mom's cooking.

Comment: Re:Wrong objective (Score 1) 204

by Panruru (#43291001) Attached to: An Instructo-Geek Reviews The 4-Hour Chef

Where do you find your recipes? Really, I want to know. How do you know how to make all these delicious 20-minute meals? The only thing my mama taught me was not to put eggs in the microwave. And for the record, we only ate out when we were on vacation. However, I definitely prefer eating at a restaurant to her cooking.

Comment: Re:"Dry wine"? (Score 1) 204

by Panruru (#43290907) Attached to: An Instructo-Geek Reviews The 4-Hour Chef

Thank you. Finally a commenter who isn't a fucking asshole.

Not everyone can be a master chef. Becoming good at cooking takes time, guidance, and *money*. If a recipe doesn't turn out right, that means I don't get to eat. I can't afford to buy a bunch of weird ingredients and equipment just because a recipe sounds cool. I also dislike cooking new things because I frequently find that instructions are ambiguous or incomplete. Great review, that cookbook sounds cool but I'd never buy it.

Comment: Re:Why is this necessary? (Score 1) 262

by Panruru (#43205623) Attached to: Dad Hacks "Donkey Kong" - Now Pauline Rescues Mario

You don't really think Donkey Kong or any Mario game has a lot of literary merit as a story, do you?

You're missing the point. It's easy to envision yourself in the role of Donkey Kong or Mario precisely because they don't have a lot of character depth; their only clear traits are 'powerful,' 'male,' and 'kinda goofy-lookin'.' The first two apply to most video game characters. A lot of them are stupid or annoying or overly buff, but they're still characters that most guys wouldn't mind using as an avatar in the context of the game.

Most female video game characters, what few of them there are, are not suitable avatars for the majority of female gamers. Quite frankly, I would rather pretend to be a man than play as Yuna or most of the other options available. By and large they aren't powerful warriors, they don't inspire fear in their enemies, and every time they open their mouths I want to punch them in the face. I kinda liked Lulu for the first ten minutes of FFX, but then she revealed that the most important thing to her was her crush on the stupidist character in the game and it kind of ruined her for me. Lara Croft I don't mind so much, but only because I'm a lesbian.

Comment: Re:Nothing more than McCarthyism (Score 1) 1174

by Panruru (#43101317) Attached to: Orson Scott Card's Superman Story Shelved After Homophobia Controversy

perhaps it is their outspoken natures that drives them to do things the rest of us can do little more than wish we did.

Yeah, I know. And as much as I love free speech, I'm glad that you feel too embarrassed to spew outright hate speech in public. You have no idea how damaging it is for people, especially kids, to hear that kind of stuff when they've committed no crime save for an involuntary preference for their own gender. If you want to express your opinion go right ahead, I wouldn't dream of stopping you, but don't act like you're surprised when you get a negative response.

Orson Scott Card is a (usually) great writer and it's sad that he's being discriminated against for his beliefs. However, there is a huge difference between the right to say nasty things and the right to equality/basic human rights.

Comment: Re:And people wonder why the US is going broke... (Score 1) 728

by Panruru (#43007893) Attached to: For Businesses, the College Degree Is the New High School Diploma

The best part is that applicants who went to college are likely to be in debt, which does wonders for one's work ethic. *thumbs up* But seriously, surely there must be a more efficient way to test intelligence/work ethic than forcing all file clerks to spend several years and a ton of money learning how to file?

Comment: Re:Copyright protection (Score 1) 307

by Panruru (#42821931) Attached to: Jonathan Coulton Song Used By <em>Glee</em> Without Permission

This is almost enough to make me regret that I already stopped watching Glee a few weeks ago, near the end of season 1, when the girlfriend of the boy in a wheelchair told him that if he just believed in himself and didn't give up hope he might be able to walk again someday. The next day, he told her that she had been totally right, and in fact he had already been cured. He got out of his chair and performed a dance number with the help of various strangers.

Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance. -- James Bryant Conant

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