Holy shit dude.......

Your girlfriend......do you get out of breath when you inflate her, or do you have a pump.....

Your parent's basement - all the posters hung with your semen?

You remind me of the teacher from the wall.......

Do you love your fat and psychotic wife thrashing you to within inches of your life?

You know, some drugs would level her out..

Oh then again, you probably don't listen to music.....created by addicts and all.....

fuck dude....humans have been creating and taking drugs to alter state of mind since....

oh i don't know......

since humans have existed.....

enjoying altered states is in our genes.....

that some people cannot control it does not mean the rest of us cannot enjoy it

I can sit and enjoy a beautiful sunset straight

I can enjoy it after a cocktail

and I can enjoy it after a joint

Chef: Should we take the bones out?

Donald: If you take the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy

To paraphrase Woody Allen:

My eyes.....my eyes are my second favorite organ!

If my father didn't harass my mother I wouldn't even be here....

the idea from Prizzi's Honor, where you take what they find most valuable....

throw the CEO in jail, another one pops up in their place...

However, reduce the entire board of director's salaries to $100K a year for 5 years.....

Now they will think twice......

Also, the difference in their current salary and $100K does NOT stay in the company, it is divided up equally to all schools or something of that nature...

Always heard it like this:

Heaven: where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French, all organized by the Swiss.

Hell: where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians.

You will never have to use your real name again

I won't cum in your mouth.

-Larry

Finished that for ya.....

why not just take a picture of that text and make the picture the background of the lock screen

I think you meant ...."waiting at the last STOP SIGN waiting for it to turn green...."

I miss George Carlin

So we should get rid of the Golden Gate Bridge as well?

Because it makes suicide much too easy......even if they put up the steel suicide net people will figure out a way around it.

If someone wants to kill themselves, they are going to do it regardless of the "tool" used....

How about something that can read an IR sensor such that:

1. approach woman at bar, place phone on bar next to drink

2. phone takes baseline body temps of said woman

3. chat with woman for 5 minutes

4. phone takes update body temps to see where the blood is flowing

5. pick up phone and get 1 to 10 scale on how "excited" the woman was with me



could work on men too just have to look for different "hot spots"

Bricks & Nothing?

...and its George Carlin's 7 dirty words

Shit

Piss

Fuck

Cunt

Cocksucker

Motherfuck

tits



and tits doesn't even belong on the list.....sounds like a snack.....yes I know it is....Tater Tits

I believe it goes something like this....

One bright day in the middle of the night

Two dead men got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

And if you think my tale is tall

Ask the blind man, he saw it all