There is no dichotomy or hypocrisy in *wanting* revenge when it happens to your close ones, and *advocating* a more ethical position when you have the luxury of distance.
The first is adrenaline, hormones and your lizard brain; the causes for most of the mayhem through the ages. The latter is our eternal struggle to make a society which is better than the sum of its parts.
If you want revenge in both cases, you will lead us down the path of a blind world. If you have the calmness to seek only justice in both cases, you're probably a sociopath. Feeling the rage in the first and the frustration in the second case; that is to be human.