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Journal Iamthefallen's Journal: Becoming a father 14

Journal by Iamthefallen

Working title: Who dat is? My baby-mama.

My wife started feeling sick in November, severe stomach pains, heavy nausea etc. Believeing that it was some stomach virus she went to see her GP. Seing as how we've been using contraceptives religiously, pregancy wasn't really a consideration. The GP examined her, said hey, you have stomach pains, have some drugs. She went home, read the bottle and saw that it should not be taken by pregnant people. Again, she wasn't pregnant, not an issue right? But we thought we'd better make sure and I went to buy some tests. You know how contraceptives say they are 99% effective? Well, we're that 1%. A line appeared where no line should be. (It's somewhat funny, my wife was concieved while her mother was on birth control as well)

So the week before christmas, we're telling our respective parents and close friends. Still wanted to hold off on a general announcement until she was a little further along. She had an ultrasound last week which placed her somehere around 8 weeks (now 9) and also showed that all was normal. So here we are, general announcement: fallen Jr/Jrette is expected in August or so. Smack between my wifes birthday and mine.

We're doing ok though, so an unexpected pregnancy isn't a disaster. But it will change our plans for the coming few years fairly radically. We should be able to provide for all involved as long as both of us have a job. My work situation being the most uncertain at the moment as I'm only getting extended a few weeks at a time. Alas, the IT job market in South Carolina isn't really booming. So I'm going to look into working elsewhere and doing some weekend commute. The big problem will be health insurance and day care for the youngun, insanely expensive it is.

Ah well, we'll make it somehow. Worse people than us in worse situations have raised families, so how wrong can we go? This sounds very gloomy now, but we're both happy and exited about it. It's just the part about being able to provide that puts a damper on things.

Oh, and if you have kids in or entering their teens, kindly inform them that birth control does not work.

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Becoming a father

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  • First off, congratulations on the new addition. I've got an 18 month old daughter and it's just a real joy.

    Second, sleep now. Whenever you can for as long as you can. Especially the wife. The first month is probably toughest on her (if you're going to breast feed) and after that things settle down a bit.

    Third, advice from friends/other parents/grandparents is worth what you pay for it. You won't believe anything until you experience it and it will be different for you anyways. Just keep a cool head

    • Hard for her? She takes all her agony out on me! :-)

      I think my mother in-law has a very good grasp of raising children, and her Phillipino heritage means family is very close. SO we'll have plenty of support around there. My mother in turn has worked in childcare since the late 1700's or so, so she should also be able to provide us with quite a bit of insight despite the distance. Telling them both was amusing though, we kinda expected it to be as big a deal for them as it was for us. But they seem to be f

  • There must be something in the water around here. ;)

    Congratulations and salutations and hip hip hooray and all that!
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • No kidding. I'm getting anxious to prove the first one wasn't a fluke.
    • Then don't drink water, you silly people ;-)

      Congrats Iamfallen...

      Oh, and about your "inform teens that contraceptives don't work". Uhm, no, you should inform them about the fact that they don't work 100% reliable (excluding abstinence of course). Oh, and guess what: that is exactly what you are taught! (at least here in Europe) That is the information I got back in my school days. All available contraceptives with pregnancy risks and other advantages/disadvantages.

      What would you rather have? A h

      • Ah but no, I think you took it the wrong way.

        My point is that it is very careless to engage in sex believing that birth control is a brick wall against pregnancy. I know that, you know that, everybody knows that. However, think of how many teenagers have a active sex life on the gamble that they will not be that 1%. If they become that 1%, they're screwed. I grew up with people who used abortion as a second line of defense against pregancy, and you'd think that after having a few they would learn that hey,

        • Everything in life is a gamble. How much chance is there that I get run over by a car tomorrow? One in a million? It's still a chance. Besides, there is still the abortion option for the 1% unlucky ones. Abortion shouldn't be needed as often as it is now, if teenage kids were well informed....
          Essentially you are now promoting abstinence. I am absolutely against abstinence, it is against the nature of the human being. You're married, you can think that abstinence is the one and only solution: you c

          • No, I'm not promoting abstinence, I'm promoting true risk-awareness, accountability and responsibility. Taking the chance of having sex without the ability to provide is irresponsible. If after the risk of STDs and pregnancy aswell as the consequences thereof have been taken into account someone decides to still go through with it. Sure. But, too many (teens) are sexually active without looking further than that 1% risk of pregnancy, and even so they could always have an abortion.

            My wife and I had double p

            • I do not understand your stance. You say kids should be risk aware. So they are, and they take the 1% risk... Then they take their reponsibilities (be it founding a family or doing abortion).
              I agree with this. And then comes the following comment: "Ruining yours, your partners and a kids life for a few hours of fun isn't worth it.", which wrecks your whole explanation. If it isn't worth it, then you *are* promoting abstinence. Because that is the only 100% way of not getting unwanted kids. In essen

              • Hmm, I think what I'm trying to say is: If you are prepared for all the consequences and accept your responsibility for them, then no, I don't have any objections. But, many gamble on that 1% without being able to take the consequences, therefore abortions, therefore single mothers on welfare, therefore all the other negative effects of being unprepared for an "oops" pregnancy.

                Perhaps actually being a forced to abstinence, makes me understand these kids way better than a man that is provided for

                Hmm, and n

                • Not wanting to be pretentious... But in my whole schooling time, I heard of only one girl that got pregnant (and kept the baby).

                  My sister (who is younger) knows exactly two teenage mothers (and one of them got pregnant willingly, now that is worth another discussion). Not exactly much on a whole school.

                  So, I still think that good sex education is the key. It just doesn't seem to be as much as a problem here than it is in the US. Can you explain me why this is? I really can't... teenagers are the s

  • Reminds me of a friend of mine. Not only did he manage to bed a lesbian, but she was infertile and he wore a condom... yeah, they're "parents" now, altho' what kind of a life the kid will have I don't know. He's unstoppable!

    Anyway, congratulations!

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