GMontag's Journal: Valentins's Day Tips

1. Don't spend more than $10 on flowers. Pick some kind of flowers at the grocery store that you have no idea what the name is. Your sweetie will tell you what they are when she sees them. Get her a candybar too, chicks love chocolate. It is like an Underdog Super Energy pill for chicks, in a good way.

2. Tell her she has a nice butt. If she does not have a nice butt, stop feeding her for a while until she has a nice butt and she will be more greatful for the flowers that you do not know the name of.

3. Grab her nice butt.

4. Don't go out. Have a romantic evening at home. If Code Orange is still in effect you can tape plastic around the bedroom together.

5. Instead of candles use glowsticks from the Army Surplus Store, but do not use up your whole supply. Candles would be bad if you have completed step 4 already as preservation oxygen is important.

6. Introduce her to porn. You might have to spring for a tape as many chicks just don't get it on a computer monitor. They have to watch it longer than you do, so be patient even if she complains.

7. While she is still watching the porn afer you have passed the 30 second mark you can drink the case of beer you bought with the flowers. If you did not buy beer when you went to the grocery store you are not a real guy.

8. Have her re-enact her favorite porn scenes for you.

9. If she does not have a favorite, have her do your favorites.

10. Repete steps 6 - 9 until sleepy.