Ethelred Unraed's Journal: Joke of the day

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor if it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain that the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands' blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

Then they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

...

Bonus material:

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.

Santa asks: "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies: "I want a Barbie and Action Man."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says: "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."

You know why Divorced Barbie is so expensive?

[tomhudson]

She comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's dog ...

Re:

[gmhowell]

I think I'm going to join a monastery.

Re:

[Ethelred Unraed]

Before you do, read this:

It's Saturday night and Superman is especially ready to party after a hard week of saving the world. So he throws on his cape and heads off to a party. Along the way, he passes Wonder Woman's penthouse suite. To his surprise, he sees through her open window that she is still at home, naked in her bed, lying on her back. Superman thinks to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I can fly in there, have sex with her and be gone before she knows it." So in an instant, Superman

Re:

[tomhudson]

BTW: Ken doesn't care. Barbie is high maintenace. He's having a lot more fun with Barbie's best friend Midge. Barbie dismisses it as "revenge sex." But she's really, really, really jealous.

(hope this next one cheers you up)

George goes to join the monestary ...

"You must take a vow of silence. You will be allowed to say one sentence of 2 words every 5 years"

5 years pass, during which time George spends most of his time either meditating in his drafty cell, or working in the fields, or eating the pla

An oldie

[buffer-overflowed]

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter p