Autistic's Journal: Introspection

Introspection is the study of onself. Look into onself and try to objectively see what the motivations and reactions are.

I had a hard time understanding other people for the longest time. I didn't know why until recently, but long before that I found a way to cope with it.

Someone described it as An Anthropologist on Mars . I see it as the idea of trying to understand the human species from a point of view outside. I'm not quite outside, but I felt I needed a way to approach when everything else failed.

What I came up with over the years was this:
1. Identify some action or trait in others that I didn't like.
2. Assume they had some real reason or emotional motivation for doing it (rather than just dismiss them as idiot or whatever).
3. Try to find a mix of motivations in myself that might move me to that action. Try to understand what the motivation might be. This could be easy or hard. It might be an obvious emotional reaction that I also would feel but was too weak in me to make me overcome other restraints. It might mean subduing my emotional restraint to allow the action. It might be a very subtly mixes of motivation that I barely recognize.
4. Look for things that I do or have done that were similar. This can be the tough part. Take a hard look at meself and say "I was upset when someone else did this. Now I see I did it too." And remember it. When the situation comes up again, don't do it. Stay calm or whatever, but avoid doing things that I don't like in others.

It works on the positive side too. See positive things others do, what they overcame to do it, and do that myself too. I use myself as a mirror, reflect what I like in others, not what I don't. I'm a human impersonator.

It is somewhat awkward to try to objectively review my own emotions and motivations. Maybe most of my emotional responses are lowered overall, and it makes them more objectively viewable. My self esteme has varied over time, so on occasion I can puncture it a little without too much resistance.