I have been playing GTA San Andreas again, as I recently discovered it runs nearly perfectly under WINE. And it is still a truly awesome game.
I must admit though that now when I'm out on the street, I can't help but want to jump into every car I see and do some crazy burn outs, smash into a few things, and then abandon it in flames.
So far I have resisted. But it's only a matter of time...
A few days ago I had the annoying cops after me in a smashed up car. Cycle cop was on my tail, nailing me with his submachine gun. So annoying! Engine smoking, I just needed to hit the ramp at the end of a parking lot and jump through the hovering star, clear a few lanes of traffic, and the heat would be reduced a little at least.
Noooooo! As I'm launching off the ramp my engine bursts into flames. I hit the star, but I'm airborne and I'm going to "die"! Bail! Bail! Wacking the buttons madly. I'm sailing over a busy two-lane northbound road. My door opens, and my body flings itself out. In an amazing stroke of luck, I land on a passing car which carries me north, as I spin around in time to see my flaming vehicle, now rapidly descending, explode shortly before smashing into the pavement. This sets off a chain reaction in the nearby traffic of exploding cars. Meanwhile I'm rushing away on the roof of another car, like the insane surfer that I know deep down in my heart that I am, the cops no longer quite so interested in my whereabouts.
It all went so gloriously smoothly. I have to admit that I'm not sure I could pull it off quite so nicely in real life... but on the other hand, it didn't seem that hard. I didn't even know I could bail from a car in mid-air like that until I tried. Maybe I think I can't do these things so well in real life just because I haven't tried?
I have kids, alas too young yet to introduce me to the more modern world of video game carnage. But it is some days the only thing that seems worth waiting for in life...
If only I can hold off my urges until then. Then me and the boy, we can probably without too much trouble, kick this entire planet's ass into the sun!
Prepare yourself for solar pwnage, n00bs. I'll teach you about global warming ...