Sorry, but we have a zero-tolerance policy for idiocy. Now everyone has to listen to this speech.

"Mr. Greer, what you've just said... Is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

It gets even scarier. Another kid said "Excuse me, may I go to the washroom please?" to his teacher.

He may have really wanted to go into the hallway to set off an atomic bomb he had stashed in his backpack, destroying the entire city. If only this bill had been passed the brave teacher would have been allowed to use deadly force to protect global freedom. Instead, all they could do was expel the terrorist in training.

You just can't take any chances at all.

Curious skeptics might vote the wrong way. Even worse, they might ask questions about who and what they are voting for, and that can only lead to trouble.

They already are. Just today I was inspired to place my hand on my forehead and sigh.

Reading the full article inspired me to try something I had never done before and now, thanks to the brave folks at Kermit Elementary School, I know that I can do an Olympic Double Face Palm.

Elementary school is no place for Knowledge, young man.

"That's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death!"

Their meaning is "I don't know the meaning of the word decimate".

You must be confused. iPhones are free. It says so right on the top of this contract I just signed. Sure, I have to pay more than $2000 over the next two years but the phone is free! It says so right here!

Would the phone company lie to me?

If you can think of another name for the Secure Human Interface Teletype then why don't submit it to the shitty developers? Or make your own shitty fork if you don't want to work with the shitty team. All of the code is right there in the shitty repository.

Looks like you "missed" a few "finger quotes" there.

Windows XP wasn't released on July 24, 2013.

That's right. The blame doesn't really belong to the director, William Shatner, but to the writer...

Whose name was also William Shatner. That's a funny coincidence, don't you think?

Three? There was Raiders of the Lost Ark, and then Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. That's only two movies. Maybe you counted the Highlander movie as well.