A vacuum, of course.

Once it's cracked, it's cracked.

Suspend an SSD by the cable in a bucket and then spray the whole thing full of quickfoam to make a watertight seal. Then bury the bucket in the backyard with the cable exposed. Cover it with a junction box and get one of those industrial Ethernet USB extenders. Then run a conduit and CAT6 into your house. Surely your house fire won't penetrate even a few feet of dirt. Now I bet you feel silly for asking when the answer was so obvious.

Sounds like you just need a log to audit.

Ummm...that's already the case. Google reprogrammers.

What if they just use the GPS tracker already on your dash or in your pocket?

I got a Logitech K350 a while back when they had a combo deal with the mouse I wanted. It's nothing all that fancy or special, but I like it. It's wireless, which is nice, though I don't really use it to its potential that often. I've never had any issue with lag (I play plenty FPSs), but I use a USB extender to put the transceiver right under the edge of my desk, less than a foot from my keyboard/mouse. The keyboard has never given me problems, but I didn't like the mouse's response with the USB transceiver plugged into the back of my PC. It's ergonomic without being clunky (I hate split keyboards). It's got a kinda wavy design, a good wrist rest, and concave keys that fit your fingers. It's got a few extra program buttons, but I honestly never use them aside from the volume buttons. It'll only run you about $50. I think I've only changed the batteries once over the last 2-3 years.

So...a number that commonly appears in nature...appeared in nature. I'm not saying it's aliens, but...

The brick is also a wave, it's just such a complex wave that it would be nearly impossible to express in those terms (it's just a sum of all its subatomic parts, after all). If we could express a brick in terms of a wave, the values would just be endless strings of numbers that make little sense to our human brains. Then, lets say we devise a way to visualize those values in a form more palatable for human consumption; you'd end up with a picture of a brick.

we did?

The thing that's made humans so successful is our tenacity. I imagine that tenacity would often fall short without some measure of aggression. There's plenty of times where it would be more logical to give up on a task, but we're too pissed-off to let it beat us. Aggression is what fuels that final push that often gets shit done. The problems arise when humans butt heads (or come up against an equally tenacious adversary). Two tenacious beings going at it will destroy their environment in the process of defeating eachother. If we could put differences aside and unite, our mutual aggression would be to our benefit. So, what humans most lack is empathy and understanding.

Obviously if there were an invasion fleet looming around our planet, it would first be detected by some misanthropic kid with a telescope. That would be the easy part. Then the kid would have to convince his alcoholic, ex-Air Force father of the impending invasion. Then the father would have to swallow his pride and contact his old partner (the one who was promoted after turning in the father for doing something that was technically wrong, but was undeniably the honorable thing to do in the situation), who now just-so-happens to head a clandestine wing of the military specialized in dealing with alien invaders. Obviously.

nothing some well-placed quotation marks can't fix

Glad to see someone had roughly the same thought I had.