sudo
/System/Library/CoreServices/RemoteManagement/ARDAgent.app/Contents/Resources/kickstart -activate -configure -access -on -clientopts -setvnclegacy -vnclegacy yes -clientopts -setvncpw -vncpw VNC-PASSWORD -restart -agent -privs -all ssh -R 5901:127.0.0.1:5900 -R 2201:127.0.0.1:22 help@MY-IP-ADDRESS-OR-DNS
Next I PHONE the person and get them to start up "Terminal" and copy/paste the commands above into the Terminal window. I also tell them what to type into the Terminal window when it asks for the "help" account's password.
Now I can start up my VNC client and connect via port 5901
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.