The parallel port laplink cables also work. With the parallel ports set to ecp mode it's a lot faster than serial.

I dare you to demonstrate how that outdated piece of garbage is better than my Quantum Entanglement Cables, specifically designed to work on Quantum Computer Music NAS Systems. Imagine it, the sound gets distortionless, since the information travels through just TWO electrons* through the whole length of the cable!!! *Note: even when the information uses just two quantum-entangled electrons, it also visits all of its quantum states, so you might end up listening to Abba when you selected Led Zeppelin...

I want a wall that removes cool, wet air from the room and replaces it with dry, warm air so that I can dry laundry indoors in winter without covering my house in condensation and mold.

That's called a dehumifier and there are many people that sell them at a reasonable price. I bought an "ebac" brand one since it's the brand favoured by tradespeople for things like drying out water damage and drying plaster more quicky. It works great.