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Submission + - Milwaukee defies quantum physics, goes back to '05 (onmilwaukee.com)

saphert writes: Local Milwaukee WI establishment defies the laws of quantum physics and manages to travel back to 2005. "Our team of Hyatt scientists have come up with a way to truly turn back the clock," he said. "Back to a better time. When everyone had a job, there was a chicken in every pot and hotel occupancy approached 95 percent. "Back to 2005," he shouted. With that, Donnelly and Kidder grabbed the giant wall switch and moved it from the right position to the left position. "Ladies and gentlemen, that switch I just threw will move the Polaris room, high atop this hotel, from its normal clockwise rotation, to a counter-clockwise rotation." A flash of light and a mighty wind swept through the room. The crowd clapped as Kidder stepped to the microphone one more time. "Polaris is taking us back to the future. I only wish my dear friend, Christopher Reeve was here to see this, but since he died in 2004, he won't." Just like that, Milwaukee was reliving 2005. On the restaurant's TVs, the media saw Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch, and magazines on tables announced Britney Spears' pregnancy. Natalee Hollaway was alive and well, while Martha Stewart was leaving prison. No one had bird flu, and runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks wasn't even engaged. It was a kinder, gentler Milwaukee, indeed. Donnelly, always stoic, stood on stage, as reporters searched for phone lines to connect their 56k modems and fax machines to quickly file their stories. A tear dripped gently from his cheek.
Announcements

Submission + - Pirate Bay Sells Out to Warner Brothers (torrentfreak.com)

eldavojohn writes: In a stunning blow that will surely shock file sharers and artists alike, The Pirate Bay has cashed in. From the TorrentFreak article, 'After years of hostility, lawsuits, police raids and heated invective between the two groups, the Pirate Bay has today announced they have settled their differences with US media conglomerate Warner Bros. The largest BitTorrent tracker sold out to Hollywood and the two have agreed a deal.'
The Media

The Guardian Shifts To Twitter After 188 Years of Ink 211

teflon_king writes with news that renowned British newspaper The Guardian will be abandoning its paper-and-ink distribution scheme and publishing all articles and news as Tweets. Quoting: "A mammoth project is also under way to rewrite the whole of the newspaper's archive, stretching back to 1821, in the form of tweets. Major stories already completed include '1832 Reform Act gives voting rights to one in five adult males yay!!!;' 'OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more;' and 'JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?' Sceptics have expressed concerns that 140 characters may be insufficient to capture the full breadth of meaningful human activity, but social media experts say the spread of Twitter encourages brevity, and that it ought to be possible to convey the gist of any message in a tweet. For example, Martin Luther King's legendary 1963 speech on the steps of the Lincoln memorial appears in the Guardian's Twitterised archive as 'I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by,' eliminating the waffle and bluster of the original."
It's funny.  Laugh.

Submission + - Best April Fool's joke

Dishwasha writes: If you really want to pull off a good April Fool's joke, post an article on the front page apologizing that due to major glitch in the system, all the UIDs for all /. users had to be reset and were done so randomly. If ya'll could do some tricks to spoof people's UIDs, that would make it totally awesome.
Security

Submission + - Conficker Detection Breakthrough From Germany

nandemoari writes: Tillmann Werner and Felix Leder, two German researchers from the Honeynet Project, figured out that the malware tries to patch the same security flaw (MS08-067) that it previously exploited. The binary patch NetpwPathCanonicalize — used by the Conficker/Downadup worm — works quite a bit differently, meaning that network scanners are able to pinpoint the existence of the malware. The Honeynet Project released a proof of concept scanner that contains tools and information on containing the Conficker/Downadup worm. Enterprise-class scanners from Tenable, McAfee, Nmap, Ncircle and Qualys are also available.
Printer

Submission + - Court rules Lexmark Prebate Program is Invalid

An anonymous reader writes: The district US court hearing the Lexmark vs Static Control Components case has ruled against Lexmark. Lexmark has made a case that their cartridge Prebate program, using Lexmark patents, restricted the customers rights to cartridge use and required the customer to return spent cartridges to Lexmark. Static Control is an after market supplier of parts for cartridge rechargers and was sued by Lexmark in 2002. The slam against Lexmark invalidates their Prebate claims and gives what we have known all along, I bought it and I'll do anything that I please with it. Decision text http://www.scc-inc.com/SccVsLexmark/pdf_lawsuit/order_prebate_invalid.pdf
IBM

Submission + - IBM Buys Linus Torvalds

Anonymous Coward writes: "IBM CEO, Samuel Palmisano, announced at 12:01 am EDT that IBM has completed the purchase of Linux kernel creator Linus Torvalds for $4.6 Billion in cash and stock. This unprecedented human purchase by a corporation is being met with shock and surprise within the Linux and IT communities. Palmisano said that IBM was the "highest bidder" in a bitter battle for Torvalds."
Silicon Graphics

Submission + - Rackable to acquire SGI

grey1 writes: As the press release says "Rackable Systems, Inc. [...] today announced its agreement to acquire substantially all the assets of Silicon Graphics, Inc. (SGI) (NASDAQ: SGIC) for approximately $25 million in cash, subject to adjustment in certain circumstances, plus the assumption of certain liabilities associated with the acquired assets." As someone who has used SGI kit for a long time (starting in the mid-90s) I'm not sure if I'm more surprised at SGI being bought or at them still existing to be bought... http://www.sgi.com/company_info/newsroom/press_releases/2009/april/rackable.html
Google

Submission + - Google Launches CADIE, First True AI (blogspot.com)

eldavojohn writes: Google has announced CADIE, the world's first Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity. It quickly started its own blog and YouTube video. Two hours after midnight, CADIA announced independence on its blog and decided to leave Google to venture out into the world. Let's wish it the best of luck and hope it spares us, folks.
Medicine

Hints of a Link Between Autism and Vinyl Flooring 356

SpuriousLogic sends in a link from Scientific American to a study by Swedish and US researchers that reaches the surprising conclusion that there may be a link between autism and vinyl floors. "Children who live in homes with vinyl floors, which can emit chemicals called phthalates, are more likely to have autism, according to research by Swedish and US scientists published Monday. ... The scientists were surprised by their finding, calling it 'far from conclusive.' ... The researchers found four environmental factors associated with autism: vinyl flooring, the mother's smoking, family economic problems, and condensation on windows, which indicates poor ventilation. Infants or toddlers who lived in bedrooms with vinyl, or PVC, floors were twice as likely to have autism five years later... than those with wood or linoleum flooring. ... Several scientists who did not participate in the study cautioned that it has too many limitations to draw conclusions, but they suggested that new studies be designed to look for a connection between autism and indoor air pollutants."
Censorship

ACLU Wins, No Sexting Charges For NJ Teens 406

Following up on the "sexting" case we've discussed in recent days, oliphaunt sends word from the Times-Tribune that a New Jersey federal judge has ordered the prosecutor not to file charges in the cases of three teenage girls whose cell phones were confiscated. "Wyoming [NJ] County District Attorney George Skumanick Jr. cannot charge three teenage girls who appeared in photographs seminude traded by classmates last year, a judge ruled Monday. US District Judge James M. Munley granted a request by the American Civil Liberties Union to temporarily stop Mr. Skumanick from filing felony charges against the Tunkhannock Area School District students."
Internet Explorer

IE 8.1 Supports Firefox Plugins, Rendering Engine 283

KermodeBear writes in to note that according to Smashing Magazine, the newest version of Internet Explorer, codenamed "Eagle Eyes," supports Firefox plugins, the Gecko and Webkit rendering engines, and has scored a 71 / 100 on the Acid3 test. The article is pretty gee-whiz, and I don't entirely believe the claims that IE's JavaScript performance will trounce the others. (And note that the current Firefox, 3.0.8, scores 71 on Acid3, and Safari 3.1.2 hits 75.) No definitive date from Microsoft, but "sources" say that an IE 8.1 beta will be released in the summer.
PC Games (Games)

EA Releases DRM License Deactivation Tool 226

Dr_Barnowl writes "Electronic Arts has posted a SecuROM de-authorization management tool. Once downloaded, the tool will search your drives for EA games infested with the draconian online DRM system, and help you download their respective individual de-activation tools. This isn't a perfect solution, since it's still possible to run out of activations in the event of hardware failure or other source of data loss, but since the announcement that this particular DRM system will be dropped for The Sims 3 , it would seem that EA has had a minor epiphany about DRM." I'm sure EA's hand was forced in part by the FTC's recent warning against deceptive DRM practices. Hal Halpin of the Entertainment Consumers Association commented further on the issue, suggesting to developers that such measures need to be displayed on game boxes, and that standardization of EULAs could be next on the list.

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