Sure, it's always anecdotal. Honestly, I always hesitate wading into argments such as these as the evidence is pretty much always anecdotal or crappy science at best and ultimately prove largely useless.
I don't think I've ever tried max out on memory, but sure the system will grind to a halt once you start swapping. That's true of any system, but at least on Linux (contrary to Windows AFAIK) you have to at least consume all the memory first. Probaby the last time i ever came close to doing that was when I was trying to run too many VMs with a solitary 1GB RAM (merely a year ago, I have upgraded since and haven't looked back at all). But with disk IO in general, Windows always gags even when there's plenty of memory to spare while Linux breezes by. Case in point, I was just reverting from backups 30 minutes ago while updating my system at the same time. I wasn't able to watch videos on my external drive, and VLC, firefox, etc. took a while to load, so the limits are there. But I was at least able to still move windows around, which is far more than I would expect of Windows, which grinds to a halt just when I try to start Firefox from a fresh boot. Again, it's all anecdotal of course, but I'm sure there's some kind of scientific reason why Windows just completely gags when performing a bit of disk IO.
But on the graphics front, I completely agree, and think some fundamental changes are going to have to occur somewhere to bring Linux into the modern age. I'm not an expert on the graphics stack or Xorg, but I don't think things are going to improve in their current state. Of course, vendors protecting their precious proprietary ideas (NSFW) doesn't help the situation at all either.