Maybe they should request the power to put a few bankers in jail, like they did in Enron. You know, and actually *do their job*

Missing option: Wookie christmas.

I strongly prefer the original, having seen it in theater in 1978. Everything after that has only ruined it.

A couple weeks ago, while taking my asian girlfriend shopping at the local mall, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john, Steve Jobs -- the messiah himself -- came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was busy and in any case I was sure the security guards wouldn't even let me shake his hand.

As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured. The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as his cock -- or at least as I imagined it!

I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a liberal thinker and had been an Apple customer since 1984. Of course I'd had fantasies of meeting Jobs, sucking his cock and balls, not to mention sucking his asshole clean, but I never imagined I would have the chance. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of Steve Jobs, the chosen one.

Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract?

I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled.

I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big half nigger cock, beating my meat like a madman, and thrusting my pink iPod Shuffle into my ass. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was that Steve Jobs wasn't there to see my loyalty and wash it down with his piss.

I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit. It's even better than reading an Apple press release!

Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my handkerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom.

I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.

I often think of Steve Jobs dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful Apple customer.

I support bacteria. Its the only culture some people have.

Wow, that's patience... I've been reading since 1997, first submission in 1999 IIRC. Karma will be good to you I bet.

Comments like this are the reason I support bacteria. Its the only culture some people will ever have.

The free market has already handled this. The senator has been bought and paid for, to the tune of $30,000 in campaign contributions from J.P. Morgan Chase. The same J.P. Morgan Chase that is strongly against bitcoin. That weakens the senators argument a bit IMHO.

Did he really say 6% ?? Holie shit, that bad. Even back when I was a construction laborer 10 yrs ago, the company matched us dollar for dollar. And that was in a non-union job, all you needed was 3 yrs attendance. The had Oppenheimer manage it, it was a pretty good deal since we were paid really poor to begin with.

Plato's allegory of the cave comes to mind.

As long as the ice has enough snow on top of it, you can drive just fine. Snow has more grip than ice. Been there done that in the ice storm of 1998... the one that blacked out a chunk of the northeast. Took a couple hours but I made it the 15 miles into work that day.

studded tires ;) I do indeed stop when I want to... of course, I also plan out half a block ahead of time.

THIS is so true... (I'm from Buffalo) Good tires makes all the difference along with learning how to drive. And yes its been in the single-digits here too, with caked snow and ice.

I get these idiots in the suburbs who think that 4 wheel drive makes them God or something. I usually see them in the ditch later. I drive a Jeep, but I grew up in the country and I know better than to be an idiot - 4 wheel drive dowes *not** equal 4 wheel STOP.

Yeah Atlanta could have prepared better for the occasional storm... there should be some kind of equipment lending program among several southern states for the occasional event like this... that said, I'm from Buffalo. It takes a several feet to shut us down, and in the summers it can reach 99 def F. And yet, we seem to do just fine, I took my driving test 30 yrs ago in worse stuff than this.

Yeah, but its a distinction without a difference since this is all about gaming on linux -- everyone involved will still be a virgin, guaranteed. Most likely forever.