First off, not all churches are bad. Don't make that assumption.
1. he didn't pass a collection plate
How do you know? After all, he was human at the time, and needed food to eat and clothes on his back.
Besides, tithing is crucial to the church community, and it is found several times in scripture. See Gen 28:20-22 and Deuteronomy 14:22-29 for example. (for reference, Levite == priest.)
In a good church, that offering goes on to fund the facilities required to maintain the church, any missionaries adopted by the church, and the community surrounding the church. Certainly, it also pays the salaries of the pastor and church workers, but unlike Congress, we the members of the church get to vote on whether the church workers get raises. ;-)
2. he wasn't passing the collected money up to a king in a city-state with a trillion dollar endowment
...
4. he was Jesus, not a pedophile hypocrite in a uniform
Oh, this must be about Catholicism. But even in Catholicism, not all churches are bad.
3. he wasn't promoting a political viewpoint while he had everyone's attention
This word "political". I do not think it means what you think it means. The Law of God is policy. Christianity, in many ways, is itself a political viewpoint.
5. it was about his ideas, not his haircut, the size of his stadium, the height of his stained-glass windows, or how well he fit the audience's idea of a "good christian"
I've never been to a church that preaches about these things... At least not without a tongue planted firmly in cheek. I imagine if I had ever visited one such congregation, I wouldn't stay very long.
6. he didn't have to talk around the absurd surrealities in the bible
This seems to be an attack on scripture itself, rather than the concept of a church, so this isn't all that relevant to my question.