"For the next iteration, we are targetting stability, bugs, new features, and UI improvements. But no refactoring or anything else that Management doesn't understand easily.
"Good morning, team. Arbeiten Macht Frei.
"During this sprint (or other fashionable project-management term), we're not explicitly asking you to work 20-hour days and weekends. However, those who demonstrate commitment, require less food, and never leave the building will be recognised as Star Talent; the others will be sacked ("laid off due to regrettable global economic conditions") as soon as Senior Management has hired consultants to pose as Caring HR Personnel to escort you away with nothing to show for your work here. To the latter underperformers, we say good luck in your future endeavours. And hiding in the toilets will not help. No, not even in the wheelchair-accessible stall.
"For those innocents who are competing for recognition as Star Talent, note that there are very few people who receive this designation, so if you are fool enough to believe in our praise, you must compete to survive against other talent using cunning, subterfuge, and in general the dirtiest tricks and strategies. Please also note that being identified as Star Talent during this project means nothing for your future. The truth is that only people without talent who suckle the body parts of Senior Management have any hope of moving away from the rotating knives.
"If you have a family that you love, you must make a choice. We encourage you make the right one. Senior Management wishes to make it clear that they believe in family values, but they mean their own families, not yours. It is acceptable to have pictures of your family on your desk, but please keep them to less than 5cm X 7.5cm and ensure that everyone in the pictures is smiling. We may, at our discretion, trim any pictures that exceed these dimensions. It is not acceptable to use pictures of your family as screensavers or as desktop backgrounds. Screensavers are not necessary with LCDs and, in any case, screensavers are proof that you are wasting time.
"Thank you for your dedication to the project, the organisation, the shareholders, and Senior Management's bonuses. Arbeiten Macht Frei.