Siri? Is that you?

I think you will need to look to the Android jokes for that. Apple is a couple of years behind and is playing catch-up. Maybe when the Apple Watch ships, we'll get concurrent updates to the bad humor.

Denial is a river in Egypt, but good luck finding it with Apple Maps.

I wonder what Tim Cook's chosen "it's a crappy day in the neighborhood" anger outlet is?
Ballmer threw chairs.

Moon comes to you!

Better get that checked out at the Apple Store!

My first instinct is to recommend iPad -- I got my parents one and they haven't booted the Windows machine in years, the dial-up aspect of that could be tricky (you would need a router that dials out via modem -- it's doable, but might be more complex and assumes the presence of a mail client on the iPad that talks to the ISP ... hopefully it's POP or IMAP, but without specifics it's hard to know. But if you must use Windows, it's not an impossible situation. You just need to know where the knobs and switches are, and enable them.

A lot of other modern stuff is going to not work well with the dialup option.

For the purposes of the discussion, I'm assuming they are on Windows 7. If they aren't on Windows 7, they need to get there, at least. If they are still on XP that just sucks because a lot of the below stuff isn't there.

Parental controls:
I have children and have done a fair bit with the parental controls. In this case, instead of the parental controls being used for kids you would be using them for your parents, which also works. To enable the parental controls, you create a username for your parents as a regular (limited) user. This will prevent them from doing a lot of stuff right off the bat, like installing software. You also should make sure that UAC is enabled. You can create a Admin user for yourself. Once you have set that up, you can download the remainder of the controls from https://familysafety.microsoft... , and then control the user account for your parents. You can control what is accessed on the Internet, if they can download stuff, programs they can run, etc.

You can also do a LOT with Group Policy. Type gpedit.msc at the Run Window and lock down everything you don't want them to change. You can lock down the Desktop, among other things.

Windows also has the ability to send a Remote Assistance request via email or as a file attachment, which uses Remote Desktop to allow screen access and control. Given that you are going to be doing this over dialup to some other part of the world, you can set your client appropriately to minimize bandwidth utilization by dropping the amount of colors being shipped back, not showing the desktop, etc -- it's all under the "Experience" tab of the Remote Desktop client, and I've successfully used it over some pretty slow connections with decent results -- it will outperform VNC in many areas, especially screen refresh time since you can cut out a lot of the unnecessary stuff.

If you are going to do the above, get it sorted out on the beginning of your next visit since when you lock stuff down it's not hard to be too tight and stop stuff from working that should actually be working.

Was the main driver for your purchase of the Prius environmental/social awareness or economic/thriftiness? I like to drive, but I'm also thrifty and "environmentally aware". I also like interesting engineering. The Prius just turns me off in so many ways -- the electronic nannies that prevent anything resembling "fun" that you might have in a car, although the engineering is pretty neat. The rest is straight from the Toyota "transportation appliance" style book. It's well-made, well-engineered and very reliable ... but bland. People would congratulate me on my "responsible and adult" choice if they even noticed the car at all.

The Tesla is in a whole other league. Styling comes from someone who knows what a decent car looks like. The car seems to have something of a performance bent. The engineering comes from people who make rockets as their other job. Would I want to be seen in one? Hell yes. Would anyone call me "responsible and adult" for showing up in one? Not likely -- they would want to go for a ride!

First off: You aren't Tesla's target demographic.

Second: You and your downtown-living millenial pals sound like the kind of people who would love to summon up a vehicle when you wanted it with your phone, have it do your bidding (commute, take you to a concert, out to eat, etc), and then disappear somewhere else. It would be Someone Else's Problem. You'd pay for it with a subscription if you used it a lot or pay a higher charge if you didn't. And Someone Else would deal with the other stuff. This is where the "self-driving" and "electric" vehicles are going to come together and end up being a nice compromise between the cab market and the city bus market. Having a nice car in an urban environment is really not a great value, anyway -- there is no place to park, the thing gets rammed by people trying to squeeze in a parking spot, and with parking being an expensive nightmare (in time, money, or both), public transit or a bike are more useful options.

The Model S was aimed squarely at BMW 7-series, Mercedes S-Class and other similar upscale large luxury sedans. The people who can afford those like new gadgets, new technology and the like -- and have the disposable income to afford them. It would not surprise me at all if they had sufficient income to have a "second" car that they use for occasions where they will exceed the range of the Model S, in addition to a "family hauler" for the wife and kids to get around in.

If the Model 3 comes in at $50K, that will put it in line with equivalent models from the same marques they were going after with the Model S -- Audi A4, BMW 3-series. It's at the top of the range for a 3 or A4, but not absurdly so. Plus there are tax credits and in many cases the electricity is free at the SuperCharger station, or substantially cheaper than gasoline. If you are lucky enough to work at a place like I do, the electricity is free so you can charge while you are at work.

Tesla is a luxury brand. It's not being marketed to Prius and Yaris owners. Although the cost of a plug-in Prius gets pretty steep pretty quick ... to the point I'd take the (likely) much better looking Model 3, if it takes after the looks of the Model S. The other "eco" cars are kind of dowdy.

If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding!
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?!

The average price of a new car in the US is $30K nowadays. A BMW 3-series starts at $32K, and given that Tesla started out going after the market dominated by things like the BMW 7 series, S-Class Mercedes, Audi A8 and Lexus LS, it's not surprising that the next market(s) they would go after would be similar -- the SUV will compete against things like the BMW, Mercedes and Lexus models and the smaller car will compete against the 3-Series, Audi A4 and Lexus models. The luxury auto business has higher margins and people who can afford those higher margins tend to want more of the latest anything -- phone, computer, tablet, clothes, thermostat, food/drink, etc. It would probably not be unreasonable to assume that the buyer Tesla is targeting is someone who likely has a fairly recent smartphone, luxury car less than five years old, owns a home, is married, and is in their late 30's to early 50's. They likely have a fairly established career, a family, and an income around $150K before taxes. They aren't going after the people who are shopping the Ford Fiesta, Toyota Yaris and Honda Fit, or recent college grads, or people with their first job. They are pretty much going after the same people Audi did when they were rebuilding themselves.

As someone who is shopping in the $15K range for my next car, and who is very close to hitting 200K miles on the current one, I largely agree with you. I have come around to the point where I'm aggressively eliminating all debt that I possibly can, with the eventual goal of being debt free. Pouring 40K into something that's going to be regularly doused with road salt, snow, rain, mud and will eventually wear out entirely seems like a waste of money. I need a car to get around, get to work, visit family and friends -- for my lifestyle there is definite value which owning an automobile provides, there is no denying that. But at this point in my life I can say that I'd rather spend $15K on a compact sedan that will accomplish all I need it to do than spend $40K on something that largely does the same thing. That extra $25K can go towards retiring debt, funding college for the kids, paying down the mortgage, etc.

Sources on the 30K price:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mo...
http://www.autoblog.com/2012/0...

Sources on Audi:
http://www.npr.org/2011/11/29/...
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money...

Yes, because threats to a person's means of feeding themselves and their family are great motivators that generate high morale and happy employees in any organization.

It would be more effective to require that software procured, deployed, maintained and used by the organization be accompanied by a business case that thoroughly explains all alternatives which were examined, in terms of functionality, cost, ROI, training costs, etc. That document needs to be reviewed and signed off by appropriate managers and technical leaders depending on the scope of the project. Or make a liberal policy that Open Source requires a lower review bar -- although you can get in trouble with being more permissive since the care and feeding of any software package requires time and effort, and sub-par software can eat up time and effort like nobody's business -- be it closed source or open source.

I employ both open and closed source software to make my projects work. Sometimes I can do it all on Open Source, other times, business requirements prevent it or the Open Source alternatives just quite frankly aren't good enough to meet the project requirements. Open Source wins a lot of the time, but not always -- but this is a marked improvement from five or ten years ago.

I'm glad someone figured out

- what side of the road to drive on
- what voltage at what frequency comes out of the wall plug, and what amperage is allowed
- who can broadcast radio waves on what frequency so I can enjoy radio, television, mobile phone and data
- when I pump 93 octane gas into my car, it means something. Also that the pump is dispensing the amount of fuel I'm paying for.

There are stupid regulations like the drivel posted above. There are also regulations that make some sense or which have come about as the result of abuse, collusion, etc.

Rather than shelling out whatever you paid for the insurance policy, put the same amount in a bank account. Put whatever monthly premium you would have paid into a bank account. Do this for every phone you upgrade. Given the depreciation rate of consumer electronics, you will likely hit the point where the amount you will need to pay for a replacement of the same model (if it exists at all) is less than the amount of money in your bank account. Furthermore, since you likely don't kill every phone you own, money should accumulate in this account over time to the point you could buy an entirely new phone for full price, drop it down the sewer when you walk out of the store, and not blink an eye because you already have the money to cover a replacement.

FWIW this entire story reads like one first world problem after another. While boating for fun with girls in bikinis, you get picked up by a yacht and your phone gets wet. Puhleeze.