Investing Tips for College Students?

GenKreton asks: "I am a rising junior in college and decided to take out loans to cover all my costs so I could graduate with money in the bank. My tuition bill is minimal as I have a nearly full ride, but living is always expensive. With that said, I feel like my thousands sitting in the bank could be doing work for me instead of collecting dust till the day I graduate. I have been researching how I could best invest my money so I have immediate access to it if needed, but still do better than a mere savings account. There seems to be a lot of mixed advice and some obvious scams out there. So I ask Slashdot, what is the best plan for a college student to do with his money?"

Reality check

[mr_infiniti]

There is no future - drink all the beer you can now!!

Baaaaah!

[Anonymous Coward]

Why take loans when you could have just opted for a FREE ONLINE DIPLOMA!!!! like me... Didn't you get the offering by electronic mail? It wasn't _totaly_ free though... :|

Sounds crazy but...

[heldlikesound]

...there are some really amazing oppurtunities for investing in Africa. I just sent a cashier's check for $12000 to Prince Oolando Bothsqanta to pay the minimal fees needed to free up his vast fortune from Swiss banks. In return, I will earn approximately $4 million dollars in the course of the next 12 months.

I'll let you know how it turns out!

Good advice:

[megaditto]

Spend it on merry girls, hearty wittles, and fine wine.

Get rid of the savings account and do not invest: this way you can file 1040EZ instead of 1040 to the INS; as a college student this will save you money.

Start your own business and become a consultant. Claim beer etc. as a business expense.

Buy gold. That keeps going up, plus will keep its value when the Revolution comes.

Get a PhD in chemical engineering; you will be raking in 250k+/year if you are any good.

Become a Canadian citizen; with your IQ you will qualify for disability payments.

HELP NEEDED TRANSFERRING FUNDS

[colman77]

HELLO. MY NAME IS XABBU UGABE. I HAVE RECENTLY COME INTO POSSESSION OF A LARGE MONEYS LEFT TO ME BY LATE RELATIVE. I DO NOT KNOW FOR SURE HOW MUCH IT IS BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT IS A LOT PERHAPS 30 OR 40 MILLION. I AM IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE TO OBTAIN THIS MONEYS.
THE MONEY IS IN A BANK IN RUSSIA. UNFORTUNATELY, MY COUNTRY IS CURRENTLY FIGHTING WITH RUSSIA SO I CAN DO NO BUSINESS WITH THEM UNLESS I PUT SOME MONEY DOWN FIRST. I AM WRITING TO YOU HOPING YOU WILL HELP ME OUT. I NEED FOUR THOUSANDS DOLLARS TO PAY BEFORE I GET THE 30 OR 40 MILLION. I AM A HONORABLE MAN YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I WILL PAY YOU BACK VERY HANDSOMELY. IN ABOUT A MONTH A LARGE CUT WILL BE WIRED TO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT. PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER SO I CAN DO THIS. PLEASE SEND MONEY AND INFORMATION RIGHT AWAY AS CONDITIONS IN OUR COUNTRY ARE WORSEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KINDNESS IT WILL BE REPAID.
YOUR TRULY
XABBU UGABE

Re:bankrate.com

[hwoolery]

Request for urgent business relationship

first, i must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and 'top secret'. i am sure and have confidence of your ability and reliability to prosecute a transaction of this great magnitude involving a pending transaction requiring maxiimum confidence.

we are top official of the federal government contract review panel who are interested in imporation of goods into our country with funds which are presently trapped in nigeria. in order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us transfer into your account the said trapped funds.

in order to transfer, we must take a small deposit from you to ensure that you are good people. please deposit your entire college fund in to our bank accounts so we can transfer over the thirty two million (32,000,000 usd) into your account.

god bless you

Mr remmacS nairegiN

Re: What a crock of self-important crap

[Black Parrot]

> First off, get over yourself. Brandishing about the fact [...] is load of self-important horseshit.

That's almost universal on Ask Slashdot articles. Most of the "questions" should be posted to Brag on Slashdot instead.

Fertile ground for parody, though:

"I've been sleeping with seven beautiful women for the past five years, but now some of them are hinting that they expect me to marry them. Are there any good IT jobs in Utah?"

"My IQ is so high that I have trouble comunicating my ideas to ordonary programmars. Is there an open source tool to help me?"

"I invented an incredibly programming tool, but my boss won't make everyone use it. Please tell him he's wrong."

etc...

Re:What a crock of self-important crap

[Clover_Kicker]

> College is hard work

You're doing it wrong!

Go to all your classes, do all your assignments, get Bs.

That leaves lots of time for partying.

Re:Live frugally first!

[Anonymous Coward]

Far better than the stock market, invest in fine Peruvian flake, then get yourself a few ambitious distributors. Corner the market in your hood. Don't be afraid to spill blood. I guarantee 500% minimum rate of return, exclusive of legal fees and payoffs to cops. And say hello to my leetle friend.

Re:Don't put it in stocks or stock funds

[ScottSCY]

Finally: have you thought about the ethics of using your student loans in this way? Were the loans given to you in order to help you pay for your expenses as a student? Do you think it's okay to ask someone to loan you money for one thing and then use that money for something else? Isn't that a form of lying?

It's more ethical than downloading music from the internet without paying for it, which most people here on slashdot seem to think is ok.

Re:Don't put it in stocks or stock funds

[Friar_MJK]

Finally: have you thought about the ethics of using your student loans in this way? Were the loans given to you in order to help you pay for your expenses as a student? Do you think it's okay to ask someone to loan you money for one thing and then use that money for something else? Isn't that a form of lying?

You must not have ever been a college student. Currently I'm maxing out all the loans I can get. Weed may grow on trees, but who has the patience and privacy to grow their own? And have you seen the prices of premium beer kegs lately?!? Mom and Dad certainly aren't going to throw down on something like that for Junior.
College takes up too much time if you want to get decent grades, and working 30+ hours/wk at a job to help pay for it is out of the question. Also, I don't think at this point there is any hope of saving this lad, so I'd save the moral questions for the next Ask /. on how to construct a DIY remote controlled automatic wife beating apparatus. On a final note, and since I already touched on drugs... Why doesn't our beloved fellow invest in dealing drugs? Surely a few extra G's could buy a lot of coke, eh?

Easy money

[Sargeant Slaughter]

Step 1: Buy a bunch of pot!

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!