N473's Journal: relapse

For the last week it has been hell... I have been hiding from every girl I have been talking to. I can't get my ex-fiance out of my head. I have been drinking nightly. I go to clubs and sit in the dark alone and drink. I am unable to talk to anyone, much less hook up. She has a date tonight with some guy from her school. My heart fell to my ass. I want to go home and cry myself to sleep but I do not want to freak out at work *again*, so I cannot leave unexpectedly.

Why can't I find someone to help me forget her the way she utterly made me forget my ex-wife? Why is this harder for me than every other relationship I have ever had?

I have been faking it. It's like another personality. I have this inexplicable charm and start talking to girls I do not honestly see myself with. I get them and then... they do not hit her mark. I ignore them. They go away.

I am left alone. Wanting her.

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

forgetting?

[blinder]

Hey man, i know what you are going through, really I do. Perhaps forgetting isn't the most healthy course you could be taking... i dunno... don't listen to me, I'm no expert... just know that I'm going through this too (after my relationship of 10 years came to a crashing end 2 and a half weeks ago).

The drinking everynight is only delaying the pain you need to go through now... or that pain will fester and revisit you 10 fold in the future. So the question is... do you want to deal with the pain now... or

Re:forgetting?

[subgeek]

I'm no expert

given your situation, i can't think of anyone who would be more expert. you're seaking an active solution to your problem and suggesting nate do the same. i'm seconding your opinion.

Re:forgetting?

[N473]

I keep fucking myself up. I was doing good. Then I saw her again. We made love... she knows me like no one else. She told me she loved me. I let the feelings out of the box. We were together for over a year and this shit has been going on for 7 months. September 9th was supposed to be our wedding day. That day fucked me up pretty bad. I got through it by drinking myself silly (about 20 mixed drinks and shots).

She does this but refuses to consider being with me. I start sinking back into depressio

Re:forgetting?

[blinder]

I keep fucking myself up. I was doing good. Then I saw her again. We made love... she knows me like no one else

I know this will be painful... but perhaps you do need separation. I know that when Tracy left... it was like losing an arm or a leg. It still hurts... I still remember opening the door for her that night and watched as she walked to her car and drove off. I just collapsed onto the couch and cried for 20 minutes. I look at that time and realize that this is how it has to happen. When the relatio

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:dude

[bofh31337]

Right on. It's just sex after all. Revisit all flings and have sex with them. Then never call them again. It might be kind of dickish, but it might sure help.

Re:dude

[PreviouslySeen]

might be kind of dickish

heh, Indeed it would be--literally.