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Journal ParticleGirl's Journal: Humanity pisses me off. 12

Journal by ParticleGirl

I start to get comfortable with the world and a friend has a roofie slipped into her drink at a party. How could anyone live with himself after doing something like that? Yet he seems to be utterly remorseless. She's the one who's got to live with it. Imagine waking up and not knowing where you are, how you got there, or where this awful feeling you've got that something terrible happened to you came from. To have a chunk of 8 hours cut from your memory and the knowledge that you'd been assaulted. Of course, she did what everyone does-- took a shower, cried, took some deep breaths, and took a few days to tell anyone. No evidence. Worst thing is, he admits (smirks? gloats?) to her what he did, but denies it to everyone else. How can anyone live with that? At least she's going to file a police report.

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Humanity pisses me off. More

Humanity pisses me off.

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  • If someone did that to my sister I wouldn't bother calling the cops. If you get my meaning.
  • It's not that simple. Women who have gone through that sort of thing (even though they might know better, intellectually-- and that's only MIGHT) tend to feel as though they somehow invited the attack; as though they had it coming somehow. Also ashamed, embarassed, and wanting nothing more than to get past it and forget it ever happened, as if that were possible.

    She works with the guy. She will see him again, and often. She doesn't want to talk to him, even to record him which wouldn't be good for anything anyhow. She certainly doesn't feel as though she could punch him in the face. And if her boyfriend were in the state at the moment (and boy, does he wish he were) assault and battery is not the best way to make her feel better, either. (There's a whole sinking-to-that-level aspect here.)

    That's the worst thing about these situations. Life tends to go on, and people act as though it had never happened. But everything is different. If she files a police report-- he may not get punished this time, but if it happens to another girl she won't have any trouble pressing charges.

    The vast majority of sexual assault cases are not reported to the police, let alone are the perpetrators dealt with in any way. Believe it or not, when you've just gone through something like that, the last thing you want to do is anything that has to do with it. The last thing you want to do is make the nightmare last longer. No, it's over and nothing else is going to happen to him. Especially since most of the other people she works with believe him (that he didn't drug her; that she's just a whore) and not her.
    • assault and battery is not the best way to make her feel better, either. (There's a whole sinking-to-that-level aspect here.)

      Well I had something more elaborate in mind than a simple "assault and battery". As for sinking to that level. I can live with that as long as he doesn't get a chance to do it again.

      Sorry if I'm freaking you out. This is so not cool in my book it's hard to stay calm.

      You're right though short of time travel theres no way I can think of to make it better. I hope she get through it all right.
      • You're not freaking me out. This is not cool in my book either. I have a hard time staying calm, too, but from a very different angle, I think. At the moment, I'm more concerned about my friend than the shithead who did this.

        And when it comes right down to it, there's nothing that you could do to him that would stop him from getting a chance to "do it again" that would not put you in prison for quite a long time to come. Is a cretin like that really worth it?
        • And when it comes right down to it, there's nothing that you could do to him that would stop him from getting a chance to "do it again" that would not put you in prison for quite a long time to come. Is a cretin like that really worth it?

          If he did it to my sister. Yes, hell yes.

          Only 1 in 3 murders results in an arrest. If anyone harms my sister or anybody close to me. I'll take my chances.
          • Your sister would want you to pay, too, for the misdeeds of one asshole? She wouldn't think the pain she got out of the deal was enough? She'd want you to be out of reach, too? Wouldn't it make more sense to be there for her?

            Only one in three murders results in an arrest, but in a situation like this one I think it'd be pretty clear whodunnit and what his motive might have been.
            • Your sister would want you to pay, too, for the misdeeds of one asshole? She wouldn't think the pain she got out of the deal was enough? She'd want you to be out of reach, too? Wouldn't it make more sense to be there for her?

              Perhaps but I've never been very good at the emotional support thing. I can't think of the right thing to say except the obvious. "That sucks.", "Ahh" etc. I usually just wind up making people feel worse

              I couldn't live with my self knowing that I let him "get away with it". Knowing that he's breathing the same air as me. Every time I see the her I would be reminded of the pain. It's a guy thing I guess and yes it's a selfish thing to do. But at least I wouldn't have to look at her and constantly feel the guilt that I did nothing about it.
              • See the most/best that could be done would be her pressing charges and him getting convicted. But she doesn't want to do that. And that's her choice.
                • See the most/best that could be done would be her pressing charges and him getting convicted. But she doesn't want to do that. And that's her choice.

                  I thought you said she wasn't pressing charges because she had no evidence.

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