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zedmelon's Journal: Long Overdue 1

Journal by zedmelon
I suck.

Four people took time from their day to reply to a Journal Entry I made, and I've waited over a month to respond. If you are one of those four, and you still care about a reply, you'll see it below. And I'm sorry.

Except sedawkgrep, you're just a lamer.

I've been trying to avoid /. since I know it has a knack for consuming hours of my time within just a few minutes, and I should concentrate on being more constructive and productive (being BROKE-ASS will do that to your thinking), but I should have at least left some closure after my last JE.

Some of you know that last month I intended to wear a shirt to a bar whose owner would most definitely take offense at my wearing the shirt. It sported the logo for the Green Light Tavern, to which I added "Fack the," making it a nice, custom "Fack the Green Light" shirt. If you really care about why, it's in my last JE.

First off, I must repeat that I suck, because I wussed out on myself. It's not that I changed my mind; I could swear honestly that it was unintentional, reinforcing that assertion with plenty of examples of how scatterbraied I've been in recent months, but who knows what the subconscious can really do?

I realized that removing the (near) profanity and changing it to "Boycott the" would mean being able to reason with more people having avoided providing them the opportunity to dismiss me as a foul-mouthed, ignorant punk with a chip on his shoulder and no real agenda other than the whiny or self-destructive need for attention. I also knew that if my resolve to disrespect a local businessman within the walls of his own establishment proved to escalate into matters eventually requiring court appearances, my ca[u]se wouldn't benefit much from a predisposition of that nature on the part of the judge. Especially with Smitty (the bar owner) and his "local businessman" stature clearly meaning more to the community and local economy than I would, having moved out of the city limits two years ago. If you wonder exactly how much consideration a bar owner receives AFA being a businessman, then you'd have to visit my hometown to understand that it's not an uncommon viewpoint. I've heard we have the highest bar-per-capita ratio in the state and sixth-highest in the entire nation. Lovely context, ain't it?

So, with that in mind, I tried using bleach and and Shout and a bleach pen and scrubbed the "fack" out of it, but evidently not the ink. I left the thing to soak in bleach water for a couple days in the guest bathroom sink.

Remembering the shirt shortly before gig time, I rinsed it as best I could and threw it into the dryer, knowing it wouldn't be dry in time. I also noted that the ink was still quite readable, so I just need to accept my profanity shirt and love him for who he is, a profane shirt. Damn Sharpies. Permanent. Marks most anything.

At zero hour, I grabbed my son and put the shirt on a hanger, hoping the Windows-down (sorry) drive to the babysitter would help, but it wasn't enough. Thinking of the band, I was doubting my idea's claim to "best option," and I was not at all enamored by the idea of wearing a wet T-shirt all night (no, it would most certainly NOT have increased club attendance, so maybe I should have). So I decided to wear the shirt while we rehearsed and loaded gear onto the bus, then change for the show, telling the guys, "I'm serious about this shirt and playing there again."

Much to my surprise, our drummer thought the shirt was hilarious. With one confirmed person on my side, I decided to wear it. He offered to let me use his dryer, and I accepted.

You can see where this is going, right?

We waited for one member of the band who didn't show for an hour (I could've dried my dang shirt at home) and loaded the bus, then we left. 15 minutes later, nearly there, I remembered my shirt. Shit.

The idea was suggested that I was deep-down a bit scared to wear it, and that I therefore intentionally left it in the dryer. That might be the case, but I really don't think so. I felt genuinely irritated at myself for forgetting, so I'm still mostly convinced I wanted to wear it. Still, subconscious crap is something I've not studied at all, so who knows? Either way, I'm irritated because I took the time to make an overinflated JE regarding the issue (therefore requiring this also overinflated followup JE), only to drop the ball when time came to execute the plan.

so, on to the four unrequieted comments in the last JE:

------------------

blinder
Foolish? Yes. Meaningless? Well, not completely.

That's probably the best way I've seen this phrased. Thanks for reaffirming it.

On the website, thanks. I told the designer (our vocalist) you liked it. He tries to revamp the site every couple years, so it'll be replaced soon. We'll see if the next site is an improvement or not. ;)

bethanie
he's lucky not to get to know your knuckles

Like Sam, I'm not a hugely violent guy. Although knowing that he's had a chunk of ear bitten off (before Tyson made it fashionable) in a barroom brawl, he'd probably have kicked the shit outta me. I was prepared for that as well, I figured I wouldn't have a problem selling his bar for profit ;). All I really want is for him to reimburse my Mom. A sincere apology as well would make it perfectly fine with me.

sedawkgrep
Yeah, the Green Light isn't a great place at all, but the music scene in this town sucks big time, especially for original bands. Since anything is better than nothing, part of me feels guilty for placing this limitation on the rest of the group.

He's one of the few club owners who still likes to foster the original music, and we'd probably play there a lot more if we weren't content to spend more time writing and recording.

He's also put in a stage that's actually much cooler than I expected the first time someone told me it was there. Yeah, it's a dive, but the circumstances make it more bearable. Except my personal circumstances of course.

And you're still scared. q3 tonight after rehearsal? Scared? I knew it.

SamTheButcher

Heheheh. This actually made me laugh. I like the 40s gangster tone, ya see? Now get outta here, kid, ya BODDER me, see?

And no, it wasn't a paid gig. When we found that out, we (tr: the member of our band coordinating with a member of their band) tried to back out, but the other band had already printed flyers, so we didn't want to leave them hanging in that respect.

------------------

So again, sorry for being lame, and thanks for the support; it wasn't an unappreciated as I allowed it to seem.

Oh yeah... Smitty told one of our guys (I heard later) that we should play there a lot more often. The gig itself--minus all my politics--went quite well. We got a great response from the largest crowd I've ever seen in that place, and apparently Smitty noticed. This might be the leverage I need. We'll see.

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Long Overdue

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  • Oh yeah... Smitty told one of our guys (I heard later) that we should play there a lot more often. The gig itself--minus all my politics--went quite well. We got a great response from the largest crowd I've ever seen in that place, and apparently Smitty noticed. This might be the leverage I need. We'll see.

    after all is said and done, this is all that really matters... you played a good gig. The crowd (which is a very good sign) was into you guys (and that's an even better sign).

    See, now you'll just be kn

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