FunkyRat's Journal: Video Card Madness

So, ATI's new 12 and 16 pipe (!!) Radeon X800 Pro and Radeon X800 XT cards are coming soon at $400 and $500 each. I suppose in fine ATI tradition we'll soon see the Radeon X800 XT XXX XPXP XFactorX2 card (obviously optimized for HDTV quality streaming porn under Windows XP on Athlon XPs) as ATI decides to test out the theoretical maximum limit for how many Xs one can fit in a product name.

The new ATI cards are said to be faster than NVidia's GeForce 6800 Ultra Extreme. Of course, I hear rumours that NVidia is countering the ATI X threat by naming their next video card the GeForce 68X10^100 Ultra Extreme Voodoo SuperPowerMax Orgasmatron XPXPXPXPXP (take *that* ATI!) Pro++. NVidia claims this card will be able to render polygons so fast as to actually prepare a delicious microwave dinner in half the time while eliminating 1/3 the fat.

However, it looks as if ATI will beat NVidia to the punch once again as NVidia is forced to let their release date slip due to reported problems of paint (and sometimes skin) peeling off unprotected surfaces directly behind the card's DVI outputs. NVidia says it will ship the retail boxed versions of the card with a special lead coated radiation blast shield.

In related news, NVidia has filed patent applications on its' high performace game wave absorbtion optimizing planar deflector. Microsoft, Amazon, SCO, DARPA and the estate of rocketry pioneer Dr. Robert Goddard are all claiming prior art. It is expected that the blind, brain-damaged monkey employed as the sole remaining patent inspector at the USPTO will award the patent right after its afternoon nap.