Sloppy's Journal: KoC Taunting

I must admit, in that stupid game, I have been a complete bastard. It has been an outlet for my evil side, you might say.

I have attacked people just because they voiced annoyance at being attacked. You know, to teach them that that the squeaky wheel gets .. the warblade. The more they scream, the more I enjoy it. Whenever Commander Mekkab or Fortknox mentioned a squeaker, I delighted in joining in, further taunting and harrassing the fool. Cruelty and sadism suit an orc well.

Loyalty, on the other hand, does not suit an orc. I attack Fortknox every once in a while, not even giving a Slashdotter a break. But he doesn't bitch about it, so I don't enjoy it, and only do it reluctantly when he happens to have a lot of gold to steal. And I think I once threatened my own Commander Mekkab, when he wondered out loud if he should show mercy to someone.

But back to the sadism... there's this guy who I have been farming for a few weeks. I pretty much attack him every day or so, sometimes for a really nice haul. Never heard a peep out of him, which took most of the fun out of it, but at least the gold was useful. About 3 million per week, I guess.

After today's 577k haul, he finally had enough:

Lokk man. I have 3,639 turns to use. Go farm elsewhere. i am areally pissed off with you

And now my shame: I almost decided to let it go. I must be getting soft, because I actually briefly entertained the idea that I had profited enough from this guy and should give him a break. After all, this message is more of a stand-up threat, than whining. The reference to attack turns is a sign of strength (the only thing orcs respect), not weakness.

This is what happens to orcs when the get old, I guess. Somebody should kill me and take over the gang. A true orc knows that the fact he spoke up at all, means he's hurting and that all my attacks have finally gotten emotional results. It's the smell of blood in the water!

Fortunately, I snapped out of it, and believe I am still fit to lead my gang. (If you hear of my assassination, though, then I guess it will mean one of my boys disagreed.) Here's the reply. I wanted just that right mixture of spitefulness, humiliation, arrogance, and nastiness.

I must say I have profited heavily from our association. I am grateful for what my peasants -- er, excuse me, I mean, the gentlemen you think of as your "warriors" -- have done for me. Toiling all day long, waiting for the now all-too-familiar orc faces to show up, so they can helpfully load the gold into the chests on my war wagons. Don't think I don't appreciate your servitude up to this point. All that money bought me plenty of ale, pleasure girls, bardic entertainers, a nice home, and of course weapons (which you have had the pleasure of seeing). I don't know where I would be today, if it weren't for the hard work of humans like you.

Am I to understand that you wish to retire, or be some other orc's farm? No, my friend, I couldn't bear to part with you. Your services are still quite desired! Please have your gold ready in the usual location, and my boys will be back to pick it up later.

XOXOXO,
Aramchek the Orc

P.S.: I have no fear of your pathetic attack turns, human. I've seen your men fight and they remind me of young orc children practicing with their wooden swords. If you have a desire for action, I recommend you practice with some 100,000-ranked band of elvish wandering thespians.

That XOXOXO is of course, completely necessary. You guys understand.

I have become friendly with two of my enemies

[John Harrison]

Once the whining starts I usually mock my enemies until a conversation starts. It has been rather entertaining, and in one case developed to the point where there is no more animosity yet we farm each other regularly.