L0stb0Y's Journal: Perceptions: What is hell?

We are currently on Arsenic (Trisinex) to kill the Leukemic white blood cells - the treatment also kills the immune system-

The nurse came in this morning with the results of our daily blood draw- and told us that the little progress we had seen with her white blood cell count going down (a good thing) was totally undone, and that in one 8 hour period her counts were worse than when we first got to the hospital- basically they said she is dying. The report from the nurse, combined with how tired I am from sleeping in a chair for well over a month (to be closer to the bed, if she needed me in the night) killed all the hope that I had in my heart. A specialist was called in to try and help...and after 2 hours of more needles, poking, and questions, he re-ran the tests. The hospital had made a mistake, and confused her blood draw from that morning with the room across the hall. It was NOT her test result that they had told us this morning. I literally collapsed into a chair for about 3 hours after that, going back and forth between crying and trying to figure out how to sue this hospital for a dollar amount requisite to the day that we have just had. I have come to the conclusion that there is no amount of money for that type of suffering.

Our current status: she is sleeping (that's when I steal away into the internet, studying her medication, her condition,, and trying to escape life for a few moments online. Really that's all just onlie...you don't really escape.

Her doctor is going to take a marrow biopsy in the morning, followed by an LP (lumbar puncture: think large needle put into your spine)- so it will be a difficult day.

I was wondering why I am writing this here...I guess it's some sort of pressure valve emotionally, so that I don't just explode. Even just typing it out seems to help somewhat- and it's better to type like this while she's sleeping that talking on a phone, and writing on paper would require more than the dull light of this laptop screen.

it's funny how things happen

[Freaek]

I was just talking to a friend of mine about cancer the other day, and he was telling me about apricot seeds and how the're sposed to be really awesome at the whole anti-cancer thing.

I just googled and there does seem to be a bit of info out there.

maybe worth a shot?

link to google search [shorl.com]

*whimper*

[tekiegreg]

Gawd after just getting married myself I can only imagine what this is doing to you. While I'm sure it brings you closer together this is not the way I'd plan on getting more intimate with your new wife.

In the meantime all the best to you and yours. In fact if you want to set up a fund online for the bills I'd be happy to contribute a few $, just a paypal account somewhere could do it. Anyways do take care!

Re:*whimper*

[tekiegreg]

*snip* While I'm sure it brings you closer together this is not the way I'd plan on getting more intimate with your new wife.

*replace* While I'm sure it brings you closer together this is not the way I'm sure you'd plan on getting more intimate with your wife.

*snicker*

Re:*whimper*

[L0stb0Y]

Some friends have actually set one up for us. The address (for paypal) is:
[e-mail]

My work has also set up a Bank of America trust fund for charitable donations, that account information is:

Account name: The Katie Condie Clarke Leukemia Fund
Account number: 004657664772

It is amazing how many people are helping out already.

Not much

[turgid]

My heart goes out to you both. I wish you the best of luck.