rLobster's Journal: no joy in mudville

I have no idea what I'm doing here on Earth. The feel is amplified by 1000 speakers emitting no sound, personified by 1000 disbanded soldiers. They are marching away from their cause. They don't care. I just want a cause. I want something that will shimmer in my life like moonlight and illuminate those around me. And I want only one, so that nothing else matters and I don't want anymore. or anything else.
I am at home, the lights are all on inside and it is dark outside. I can see my reflection, almost. it disgusts me. I am what I hate. and I hate that, and it loops and loops until the program just quits and all forget about it. Less people actually understand/care than I'd like to think. Some people are so set in their ways that their minds, i don't think, will ever broaden to encompass things like this. It's not suicide, it's not true love. It's limbo.
I want to live and love and save the universe but how do I answer? I have nothing to say, no thing to say...... the demagogue has chosen me as a scape-goat, but no one cares about anything. sad music, fiction, only one friend talks to me.

some music like yanni or dido or enya. I suppose I'm done typing. then I'll listen Interpol alone.