karniv0re's Journal: Operation: Self Rescue

NOTE: Turning off comments on this because you people are fucking weird. Who honestly has time to read some random dude's journals? You should take a good long look in the mirror, much as I'll be doing in this post. If you've got time for this, you're not living up to your full potential. As I have said before, these are for me. Sure, I could do it privately, but as this is my oldest surviving journal, I like to keep it going. Read on if you want, but you really should be doing something else right now.

Whenever I have a surge of motivation to get something done, I find it helpful to call it an "Operation" and name it. Gives it more of an official feel, rather than "I'm just doing some stuff sometimes". I'm calling this one "Operation: Self Rescue" because I am indeed rescuing myself. It turns out, the thinking that I have been fine after all these years, is in fact not correct. I'm realizing that I'm pretty goddamn fucked up, not happy, and not on the trajectory I want to be. But the good news is, I have finally realized it. It should have been obvious, but when you're in it, living it day to day, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. I finally realized I'm in a fucked up forest, and the only way out is by chopping down each of these trees individually.

Really stuck that analogy. Nice.

I've always dabbled in self help, but never really thought I NEEDED it or anything. I just saw it as a way to get better at social situations and job performance. But after my most recent girlfriend left me, mostly due to my inability to be intimate and commit to anything other than casual fun, I had an immediate wakeup call. "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I do the bare minimum work at a job that pays well but that I'm really not interested in, jerk off several times a day, run (the only positive thing I could really say I do), and then drink the night away. It's a whirlpool of shit, and it needs to be drained.

So I've decided to get a therapist after the 1st of the year.

In addition, I have several self-help books, and I think they all compliment each other. I can take a little of what I learn from each and each should compliment the other. So here are the books I'm reading and the lessons I want to apply.

• No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
          Probably the most important book on this list. Many of the things in this book don't apply, but many do. Particularly my sexual deviancy, such as compulsive masturbation, strippers, porn, etc. I believe these are preventing me from achieving intimacy with someone real, even when it's right in front of me.
     

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• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Marc Manson
          This is a core foundation of all of the dating and interpersonal advice. Not giving a fuck frees us up to make mistakes, get rejected, and TRY. Without mastering this, I will be frozen in fear forever and nothing will get done.

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• Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover
          I'm only a few hours into this book, but there is a lot of talk of limiting beliefs. He suggests going out and trying to get rejected 200 times in a week to get over your fear of rejection. This can be summed up as Not Giving a Fuck.
     

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• Models by Marc Manson
          Mostly ideas taken from No More Mr. Nice Guy and applied to dating (as Dating Essentials for Men is). This can be summarized into honesty, vulnerability, and setting boundaries. And those can be summed up further into Not Giving a Fuck. If you don't give a fuck what anyone thinks, you can be honest, vulnerable, and set boundaries because if people don't accept you for who you are, fuck 'em.
     

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• How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne
          Haven't read this yet.
     

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• Atomic Habits by James Clear
          All of the actionable items here can be broken into atomic habits that can be made enjoyable, rewarding, and easier to do regularly.
     

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• Lifestyle Blueprint by Dave Perrotta
          Dave gives actionable steps to improving your social life, financial situation, and ability with women. It's a triangle, and should be balanced on all sides.
     

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• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey
          I took this class over 10 years ago, and while I have gotten away from practicing it, the principles are still important and can be applied to this process. Particularly habits 1-3, and 7. Habits 4, 5, and 6 are interpersonal, and could serve well in a relationship, but that phase is a long way off. Being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first should be the basis for how I approach this operation.
     

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• Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
          This was mostly an amazing story, but the book contains actionable items, most notably, the Accountability Mirror.
     

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• The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss
          Although I'm not sure the supplement cocktail that he recommends is worthwhile, there are some interesting tidbits in this book.
     

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• Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop
          Haven't read it yet.
     
• The Mindful Athlete by George Mumford
          Basically meditation. I'm already finding it hard to even want to do it, but I know it's beneficial.

I am building the base right now, reading and rereading these books. The actual work will come after, when I've taken notes and laid out a plan to implement this advice.

Beginning with the end in mind: There really is no "End" to this, but I hope that in a year, I can open this journal up and say, yes, I've been working on these all year and I'm seeing results.