Orion Blastar's Journal: I Orion Blastar have entered a very dark and bad time in my life

I have to admit sometimes some delusions are better than reality and make more sense as well. One time I met Grandfather Thunder during one of my delusions that happened while I dreamed. He claimed nobody else wanted to listen to him and that I was more receptive to his existence and the parallel universe he lives in that is the spiritual plane and other groups like his live there also. We had the greatest talk about something called The Big Collapse and hope it didn't happen and that people learn to be responsible with their income and learn to save money and balance a budget and the governments need to learn this too, also stop ruining the Earth and the environment. Every place I posted that I was insulted, trolled, accused of being gay, called retarded, and was told I made up Grandfather Thunder even if he wasn't part of Christianity. But Grandfather Thunder told me to ask his people who forgot about him, Native American tribes how much we can trust the government based on their experience and laughed about it. I'll find out why he found that funny one day and who he really is anyway.

Yeah well this is a very bad part of my life my father has five months to live because of a brain tumor, my mother may have to sell her house because trolls attacked me and my family posting untrue stuff on the Internet and links to my father's web site for his business not knowing he was unable to read them and dying. A tree smashed my patio and the insurance company refuses to give us enough to fix it, I voted for Obama and supported health care reform so my medicare benefits can be improved, my co-pays reduced, and pay less per month for Medicare Part B, Part D, and the Medicare Supplement, but that didn't happen yet. I had hoped he would close the doughnut hole and I campaigned for him answering the phone and making calls and he said as soon as it passed the doughnut hole will vanish, but it has not yet, so I got $800+ a month prescription medicine bills now.

Anyway in the past there have been dozens of attempts on my life as part of some assassination attempts, I've been stabbed, shot, strangled, poisoned, dragged behind a truck, but did not die and they gave up after a while whomever they were. They wore Atari 2600 joystick t-shirts and blue jeans and Ski-masks. I've come close to death from those things at least 4 times and had life after death experiences only to be pulled back as an EMT did CPR to recover me and then go to a hospital for treatment, so now I got these huge medical bills from doctors and hospitals, but hey at least I am alive. If I wasn't I would not be able to type this to you.

It is quite strange to threaten the life of someone as mentally ill as me, as I tend to have suicidal thoughts and want to die, but alas I cannot, and they get upset at me "Orion, why the f*ck won't you die! Die already d@mmit die!" as they keep trying to kill me. I just tell them "I want to die too, try something else, this latest plan of yours isn't working." and while I don't fear death I do fear life. I have no idea why it is so hard for me to die, almost like some unexplained thing or being or power or something is keeping me alive and bringing me back to life after being legally dead for 15 minutes or whatever.