Journal Philip K Dickhead's Journal: My Party Showed Poorly 1
It couldn't be our platform:
* Campaign in the 2010 General Election for the election of the statue of Queen Vic in EastEnders to be elected as Queen replacing Queen Elizabeth the Second.
* Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the £ pound
* Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there's no traffic coming "to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun"
* Traffic cops "too stupid" for normal police work to be retrained as vicars
* Withdrawal of MPs' £118,000 expenses allowance, and the money "in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead"
* Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school
* All motorways to become massive cycle tracks instead
* All speed cameras will be abolished and replaced by a new device fitted to cars which will automatically slow down to the speed limit when driven though an infra-red beam
* The introduction of a 99p coin to "save on change"
* Banning semi-colons; no-one knows how to use them
* Banning vaccinations, to be replaced by nurses with shot guns to hide around playgrounds
Still, there's hope:
Alan 'Howling Laud' Hope has confirmed plans for his inclusion in any future government cabinet. Following the hung parliament that follows Thursdays results, David Cameron is keen to get as many influential leaders on board in his attempt to oust Gordon Brown's Labour party. As the above picture shows, Mr Cameron was right on hand to congratulate our glorious leader upon his 234 votes (a loony swing of 0.4% in the constituency) and it is believed that conversations took place after the results in Witney and that Laud Hope is also seeking a place in the House of Commons bar, a space in the carpark, excemption from the loony policy in bringing back hanging for MP's in the event of a hung election as well as a full and roomy part in any cabinet that the Conservatives have to offer. We will keep you informed of any developements that may occur over the next few days.
http://omrlp.com/
moo (Score:2)
Instead of the back garden used for another sports facility why not
turn it into a useful math building?
The problem with the 99p coin is that people might actually use 98p for some reason.
I know how to use semicolons; they are for adding another clause that could be another sentence instead.
I think they should be used more.