longtailedhermit's Journal: PAIN

i have not yet lost my hand.

i had 6 pints at a bar on Haight earlier in the evening. this did nothing to help the pain but made me teary eyed concerning this whole ordeal. i am now at the end of the rope mentally, physically, and spiritually concerning my present pain level. thoughts of escaping through suicide run through my head with alarming frequency. i've been suicidal before over emotional pain, but the pain i now experience surpasses that by many orders of magnitude. i guess what keeps me from it is that i don't want to cause anyone grief.